


New friends, old friends

by Aliiice



Category: Good Girls (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bickering, Car drop, Confessions, Confrontations, Dean is a dick, Dissociation, Friendship, Guilt, Mind Games, Multi, Redemption, Soft Rio (Good Girls), Violence, family event
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:01:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22151452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aliiice/pseuds/Aliiice
Summary: Beth is making a new friend. If you’d ask anyone they would say it’s a bad idea.Post 2x13Or Beth feeling guilty over Rio's death.Ratings and tags will change.
Relationships: Beth Boland/Rio
Comments: 30
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

It’s a good day. Literally. The sun is out and the temperature is warm. You can see leaves gently lifted by a calm breeze; if you could feel it on your face it would be like a caress on your cheeks. It’s peaceful. Other than that it’s a good day because the house is clean, one less thing to worry about, more time to take care of yourself if you wanted to. It’s a good day because Annie is happy again. Finding out Noah was FBI was hard on her. She started to have feelings for him just to be cheated again. It’s not like she was already under stress because she was scared she couldn’t provide what her son needed for his transition. Anyway, now she’s happy again. And Sady’s transition is going fine. People are supporting him through this, Annie is really there for him. She’s a good mom. She may be a mess but she’s a good, loving mother. It’s also a good day because Ruby has a husband who loves her, two adorable, talented, full of life children. They have been through so much, they deserve the peace. And Beth? Well how can she be in a bad place when everybody she loves is good? Her children are okay, things with Dean are going smoothly -which is a relief. Even if you look at the business side of things, her business is going great. She’s really not so bad at this, recruiting people, hiding illegal transactions, making money… Sure, there are some difficulties but for someone who’s launching her first illegal business she’s sure “real” criminals could be impressed; even R-...

And like that the smile on her face fades. The breeze outside doesn’t seem warm anymore. If you really look closely all the wind is doing is tearing the leaves from the trees and pulling them to the dirt. The sky might be sunny but the wind is cold really.

She’s pulled from her thoughts by something tugging at her shirt. It’s Jane.

” Mommy can we go to the park? Emma and I are borrred. Please, please, please.” She asks hand joined jumping up and down with pleading eyes.

”Sure, honey. Go ask your brother what he wants to do and if everybody is okay with that we’ll go.”

* * *

Well, it is a sunny day and she does have time to take care of herself so maybe reading a nice book in a park, watching her children play and be happy will do. It’s been so long since she’s had time to actually read a book. To just stop everything she’s doing, stop thinking and sink into another world for a while. So, yes, this is nice. It’s relaxing. The park should be a place of joy for children and a place of relief for parents who don’t have to entertain their children anymore. For a while it wasn’t that anymore though. It was a place of fear… and excitement. Fear of getting caught for doing illegal business… the same thing that brought excitement: forbidden, secret, dangerous business. The burning tension in her lower stomach this brought her was enough to outshine the actual fear. Though she’s not sure the burning was just from the business or from-...

”Jane! Don’t crawl back up the sliding side of the slide! It’s dangerous.”

Kids are restless. They have so much energy and are so oblivious to the world around them sometimes; they just enjoy life. Seeing her children play in a playground makes Beth happy. She’s happy that she can provide this for them: obliviousness. She wishes she had the same carefree childhood. She’s glad her children have each other to play with, to support each other and she hopes they will grow up and stay close friends. Family is so important, it’s what gets you through life. There’s also the family that you choose of course. What would she have done if she hadn’t met Ruby? She’s her family as well. That’s why it’s also important for her that her children go out, meet new people, explore the world. The park is a good way to do that. And every time the children play with new kids. It seems so easy for them to engage a conversation or just a game. Just like how Jane became immediately close to Marc-...

She gathers herself. It’s too soon yet for her to be in this park obviously and it’s getting late anyway.

”Okay kids, let’s go!”

”But mommy…”

”Come on! We can have some hot chocolate and watch Frozen at home if you want.”

”Yay!!! Come on Emma we’re gonna watch Frozen!”

Beth thinks she’s going to regret saying that. She already does.

She dreams about him that night. Him in her office, him in her backyard, him in her kitchen. He’s not doing anything really, or talking. He’s just there. Looking at her. Present. Alive.

The next day, she still thinks she’ll be able to go about her day without thinking about him but she can’t escape the thought of him really. When she opens her mail she thinks about the time he wrote her a letter; when she has a coffee she thinks about how he’s more of a tea person. What has her genuinely losing her mind is when she thinks about Marcus, a now fatherless child… Because of her. The guilt is unbearable. That night she dreams about him again, although he’s not alone; he’s with Marcus. She dreams about the two of them having quality time together: playing together, reading a book, watching a movie. Then, all of a sudden Marcus is alone and looking for his father “daddy? daddy!”. He’s scared. And sad. The thought wakes her up. She’s sweating and wipes her face with her hands only to find tears on her cheeks as well. This is too much. She has to do something about it. Make sure Marcus is ok; that his mother is taking good care of him. That the damage isn’t too big. Surely there’s a way she can reach out...

* * *

”Hey Janey, sweetie, come here.” she calls her daughter with a sweet voice, squatting down, arms opened. Jane rushes to her mom’s arms. “You know how we were looking for another activity outside of school since your dance teacher retired?” Jane nods. “Well, I found this cool drawing class in the city, where you can draw with chalk stick, paint, pencils, sand and all kinds of stuff, and there are lots of kids your age, maybe you would like to check it out?”

”Yay mommy that sounds awesome! When can we go??”

”Well the next class is on Tuesday so we can go then.” Jane has a bright smile on her face; so does Beth; though her heart is clenching. She shouldn’t be using her daughter like that… She knows it’s wrong yet she’s doing it anyway. And if Jane really likes this class she’ll be happy to provide this for her. Maybe this doesn’t has to be filled with guilt, maybe it can be a win-win… Even she knows how ridiculous she sounds but if it’s what it takes to stop living (and dreaming) this nightmare she’ll do it. She’s not harming anyone after all. Not this time anyway...

So the next Tuesday she brings her daughter to the class. When dropping her off she tries to look around her to see if she can see Marcus and his mom but there are a lot of parents and it’s blocking her view, and if she can’t see Marcus she won’t recognize anyone to be his mother, so she leans down to kiss Jane goodbye.

”Alright sweetie, have fun I’ll see you in an hour and a half.”

She doesn’t go home after dropping Jane, or she does but she’s too nervous and is running around her house doing nothing so then she hops into her car again and just drives around the neighborhood for an hour. When the time is up she drives back to the class faster than she should. It’s like she’s trying to keep up with her fast-beating heart. There are already some parents there and upon seeing them looking at her she’s suddenly self-conscious: she’s a bit sweaty with disheveled hair and rosy cheeks, so she goes to the bathroom to freshen up. When she comes back the kids are getting out and she sees Jane running to her.

”Mommy!!”

”Hey pumpkin, how was it?”

”It was awesome! You know my friend Marcus is here!”

Beth faints surprise and is suddenly nervous -from embarrassment or excitement she couldn’t tell.

”Oh really? Wow that’s great honey.”

She lifts her head and sees Marcus across from them with… his mother. He seems to be telling her mom the same thing about Jane and his mom lifts her head as well and Beth and she find each other’s eyes. The woman smiles and nods to Beth, Beth does the same and the woman starts walking towards her. Beth's hands are soaking. She clears her throats as she wipes her hands on her sides, smoothing out her tee-shirt in doing so.

”Hi, I’m Marcus’s mom, Rhea.” She smiles at Beth holding out her hand for Beth to shake. Beth clumsily does so and tries to smile in the most natural way she can.

”Hi, I’m Beth.”

”My son tells me our children know each other.”

”Oh yes, it must be from the park I think your husband brings him to one close to my house sometimes, we’ve talked some times.” The lie is easily found and interpreted.

”Oh he’s not my husband.”

”Oh I’m sorry I just assumed…”

”Don’t worry! It’s an easy mistake to make. We were never married actually.” Rhea doesn’t seem offended at all, she’s smiling, almost laughing. God she seems so nice, what is Beth doing? “Well, we gotta get going but I’m guessing we will all see each other next week?” She looks at Beth and then the children, politely smiling.

”Yes, I think so. Have a good evening.” Beth tries to reply with the same kindness. This is not going to be as easy as she thought...

So then Beth indeed brings Jane to the class every week and waves politely at Rhea upon seeing her. The kids become even closer and it draws the moms closer as well. They begin to small talk when picking the kids up and the conversation is easy and simple, turns out Rhea and her have a lot in common. Even more so in their current situation: parenting as a single mother is not an easy task. Rhea is funny too, she’s a light person who always sees the silver lining, she’s a soothing person to be around. Beth quickly feels like she’s known Rhea a lot longer than she actually has.

Beth is busy with her business that’s for sure but at least she can manage her schedule whereas her new friend is a nurse and can have tiring days or nights, so she finds herself offering help: “you know if one day you’re stuck at work I can always pick up Marcus it wouldn’t be a problem really”. Marcus is lovely, well educated and the girls love him, she thinks; it really wouldn’t be a bother.

She doesn’t feel the need to ask about “the father”, she just like being in her presence, maybe because being with her reminds her of being with him…

As the kids get closer they ask for playdates outside of the class, that’s when Beth suggests they meet in the park, maybe not her greatest idea, eventually. For a moment she forgot who Rhea was and the reason behind befriending her; but once they are in the park together she’s reminded very clearly. A few times she’ll be looking at the kids, and it’s like it was before, she’ll turn expecting to see him, or almost saying his name and then upon seeing her she’ll be shaken back to reality.

”Why are you looking at me like that? Are you okay? You seem distracted.” Rhea asks, worried.

”Oh no sorry, just thinking about work, ugh what a bore.” Beth answers, trying to play it cool.

Being in the park with Rhea makes her feel guilty again, because it makes her think of him. Of what she did. Of the consequences of her actions. Of how much she hates herself for everything. Of how much she misses him… So as the days start getting colder and these playdates in the park become unbearable she suggests Rhea and her, and the kids meet at her house or Rhea’s. She’s grown really attached to Rhea and to stop seeing her doesn’t come up as an option. Just the change of places. Because she thinks the place they meet at is the problem.

So sometimes they would meet at Rhea’s place and sometimes at Beth’s, having a coffee or a glass of wine, but she prefers when they are at Rhea’s; turns out having Marcus in her house with her children is kind of a bother, to her, because it makes her feel uncomfortable. When she sees Marcus in her kitchen she wonders if... he would approve his son being here, drinking in cups he’s drunk in before, sitting on a stool he sat on… or just being here. With her kids. His mom. And her. So most of the time, when she can, she’ll make up an excuse so they go to Rhea’s place instead of hers, or she would just suggest it. Rhea and her share more and more with each other; for example about their past. Rhea and Beth both grew up with not a lot of money, Rhea had both her parents but they were not well educated and her father had to work two jobs and most of the time it still wasn’t enough. That’s why she became a nurse, she wanted to help people who needed it. She worked really hard for it, had to work a part-time job during her studies to pay for her student loan. She’s a very ambitious, hard-working woman. Beth likes that about her.

She doesn’t tell either Annie or Ruby about Rhea of course. She knows how judgmental their reaction would be -especially Annie- and she doesn’t want to have to face that. This relationship is very therapeutic for her, she doesn’t want anyone to ruin that for her. Until one day, as it eventually had to happen, worlds collide.

Rhea has a late shift so, as she offered, Beth picks up Marcus at the drawing class and brings everybody home for an improvised playdate and dinner. The kids see Marcus so often now that it’s almost natural to have him here for dinner, but it’s also much fun. When dinner is over Beth puts the kids in front of a movie while waiting for Marcus’s mother. When Rhea arrives she’s exhausted so Beth suggests she relaxes for a bit before heading home, the kids are occupied anyway, there's no rush or worry. Rhea then gets comfortable on a chair in the dining room, where they can have some privacy, “thank you so much for this I don’t know what I would’ve done”. Beth is serving infusions into two mugs and brings them to the dining table “of course, you can always count on me” she smiles because she really thinks what she’s saying. The girls start talking then about their day, about anything and everything, always making each other laugh.

That’s when Annie barges in through the front door. “Hey sis! Forgot my jacket last night I really need it for tonight I’m going on a date with this very hot guy -hey kids, what’s up? watching Mulan? that’s a good one- I wanna make a good impression! not that my amazing face and body aren’t enough but- oh you’re having company, hi! I knew there were too many kids on that sofa.” Beth is caught off guard; she wasn’t expecting Annie the least of all, hadn't planned to tell her about Rhea and she certainly did not plan their first encounter to be like this, right now. Why on earth did she give her little sister a spare key?? She thinks. Beth is trying to stay calm in a situation where all she can do is panic. She has to gather herself. When an awkward silence starts to linger between the women Rhea decides to present herself to end it, she hands her hand to Annie:

"Hi I'm Rhea, Beth's friend. You must be Annie?" she asks, always warm.

Annie takes Rhea's hand a little bit too excitedly and their fingers intersect awkwardly.

"Yes indeed, I am. Very nice to meet you, I on the other hand would have never guessed your name." she looks at Beth with confused eyes, asking what she is hiding from her. Rhea sees the interaction and understands maybe she should leave the sisters together. It's getting real late also, time always flies and Beth and Rhea are together.

"Well I should be getting on my way, it's already dark outside. Thank you so much Beth again. Marcus! Get your shoes and coat we're leaving!"

Annie frowns like the name "Marcus" reminds her of something but she doesn't quite know what or who. Beth witnesses that and wants this whole situation to go away as soon as possible.

"Let me walk you through the door and get your coat." She gestures one of her hand to Rhea's lower back and the other one to the entrance. They begin to walk to the living room and Annie follows a few steps back, curious, watching their interactions carefully. At the door Marcus runs to his mother's and Rhea gets down to help her son adjust his coat. That's when it clicks for Annie.

"Oh Marcus! That's where I knew this name from. So you're Marcus's mom? Alright, very nice to meet you then." She eyes Beth at the same time, who is frozen with embarrassment and whose chest is getting red.  
"Hum yes, do you also bring your kids to the park with Beth?" Rhea is confused and can sense the tension building in the room. Annie is still eyeing Beth, tongue clicking against her teeth. Then she turns to Rhea to answer her.

"Oh no my kid is way too old to go to the park, but I did accompany Beth from time to time." And again an awkward silence.

"Hm... Alright then, Beth, see you soon, and Annie again it was a pleasure meeting you."

"Yeah, see you, text me when you get home."

"Bye." Annie waves and Beth closes the door. When she turns back Annie has her arms crossed on her chest looking at her with big questioning eyes; she doesn’t confront her sister and leaves for the kitchen. Annie throws her hands in the air.

”What the hell Beth? Marcus's mom? As in the baby mama of your former boss? As in the man you slept with? And then shot? To death?" she follows her to the kitchen as Beth starts cleaning the counter and, well, anything she can find to avoid looking at her.

"Our."

What?"

"Our former boss. You used to work for him too."

"Ugh, is it the only thing you picked up? Does she know?"

Beth is a bit exasperated by the whole speech. She doesn't want to have to deal with this, or talk about this, with her sister even less. She exhales.

"Know what?"

"That you made her child fatherless."

Beth is looking at Annie now. Pissed, and a bit hurt by her words. She doesn't like to be reminded of that part. It's the reason why she went to find Rhea in the first place, but she's not going to tell Annie that obviously.

"Don't look at me like that Beth. I don't like this story either. But it is what happened." Beth is back at her cleaning.

"You don't know what happened. You weren't there." There's a silence.

What you’re doing is wrong, Beth.”

”Oh so you’re going to lecture me now on what’s wrong or right?” she says ironically.

"This is unhealthy Beth. You're lying to this woman. Because I'm sure you didn't tell her who you were? Your connection with the father of her child? Did you?" Beth doesn't look at her, stays quiet. "That's what I thought. I don't how much longer you think this can keep going or even how long it's been going on but you have to stop. You know you do." Annie is worried about her sister obviously, but the only way she can show it right now is with anger." Anyway, I got my jacket back and I'm gonna be late for my date so good night." She storms out.

Beth rests her hands on the sink for a second but quickly resumes cleaning: if she stops too long she might start crying. It's everything she was afraid of. The bubble is now popped and she won't stop hearing about it until she stops seeing Rhea - which she won't- and yet she's not even sure of that. And now Annie is gonna tell Ruby and Ruby is probably gonna come here as well or call her or text her that she has to talk to her and give her another speech she doesn't want to hear anything about. The whole thing is about to be, and already is, exhausting.

And what if now Rhea is suspicious or has doubts about Beth? What if she asks her questions she doesn't have the answer to or doesn't want to give the answer to? What if she learns everything and turns her back on her? She would be right to do so, but god Beth would be… Devastated.

When Rhea is home, she does text Beth and Beth apologizes for this weird encounter with her sister. She feels like she has to but Rhea says it’s fine, she finds her sister lovely. Not comfort enough for Beth though.

So when Rhea and her see each other again Beth is worried, not as comfortable anymore. Rhea is at the park waiting on the bench they are used to sit on and as Beth approaches she can feel her hands sweat and her cheeks becoming red. She tries to dry her hands as much as she can on her jeans, she hopes the fresh air will take care of her redness. Otherwise she can say she had to run for… the kids, they wanted to race. Is it believable? Anyway, she doesn’t have time to think about it because she’s already on the bench. She sits and Rhea doesn’t seem to be looking at her in a weird way. She mustn’t be so red anymore. Anyway Rhea wouldn’t show it if she thought Beth looked weird, she’s way too nice for that. Beth is still nervous though about what questions might be running through Rhea’s head right now. But if she has any, she’s not asking them, which makes Beth even more stressed. Actually Rhea acts as if everything was normal, talking about her kid and cracking jokes; and Beth smiles awkwardly and huffs a few laughs. Maybe everything really is fine on Rhea’s side. That doesn’t stop Beth’s mind from racing. But she fakes her way through the day and actually enjoys her time with Rhea, as she always does.

What keeps her on edge is also the waiting. The waiting for Ruby’s call. It’s been 3 days already. When is she going to talk to her about this? Let’s just get this over with. No need to keep her waiting.

Beth should be careful what she wishes for because that night Ruby texts her asking if she can come over. Of course she can. She doesn’t even have to ask. This is all making Beth even more apprehensive.

Fortunately for Beth, when coming over Ruby doesn’t waste time pretending she’s here for another reason than to talk about Rhea. The girls get comfortable in the kitchen with tea and cookies, pretty much in silence; which Ruby breaks.

”So, you wanna tell me what’s going on?” Ruby’s voice is calm and comprehensive.

”No, not really. I mean I didn’t want to tell you guys anything… yet. But it seems I have no choice now.” Beth is playing with her mug mindlessly.

”What happened?”

”I… I just needed to be sure that I didn’t make a mess of this boy’s life. I thought I could forget about everything but I just kept thinking about him.”

”His son?”

”Yes.”

The girls look at each other for second without saying anything. Ruby “hmms” like she understands what Beth felt but knows it’s only the surface, it’s not the only reason, but she’s not going to push her if she doesn’t want to be. She’s just here to be there for her friend. Talk sense into her. Help her.

”Couldn’t you just check and go?"

”I know it was stupid, I got too close and now I feel like I’m too far gone, you would like her, she’s very intelligent, brave and funny. It’s too late now to tell her anything and I don’t know what to do.” Beth’s throat dries, she inhales and gulps.

”Look, what you felt is normal, and I can understand that you wanted to reach out to… her, but you know you’re gonna have to tell her the truth at some point. It’s not fair to her, and it’s not fair to you. You have to move on.”

Beth is giving a blank look to her mug. She tries to scratch her throat but it’s not enough to hold back the tears and when she lifts her head and sees Ruby’s loving eyes the tears start streaming down her face freely so Ruby takes her in her arms, Beth’s face resting on Ruby’s chest.

”It’s okay sweetie, it’ll be okay”.

”I just feel so stupid.”

”Shh don’t say that. It’s not your fault.”

Ruby strokes Beth’s hair as she starts to calm down, her breathing becoming slower and quieter. Ruby then wipes Beth’s tears with her thumb and tells her:

”I am here for you B. Though, that doesn’t mean I’m gonna let your snot ruin my shirt, take a tissue. There.” Ruby reaches for her bag and takes out some.

Beth huffs a laugh and pulls away from Ruby, wiping the tears away from her face. She takes the tissue Ruby is handing her and blows her nose.

”Hate you.”

”Hate your face.” They say, smiling at each other.

Beth is grateful for Ruby’s help but she thinks she needs to figure this out on her own: where to start, what words to use, Ruby doesn’t know Rhea, Beth does. So once Ruby’s left her house Beth starts to think, scribble a few notes. Every time she writes something she has to start again, it never seems right. How does one start talking about a friend killing one’s baby’s father? How could Beth put herself in such a mess?... She’s really lucky she has Ruby… and Annie. Because yes, as much as she wants to hate her sister, she’s right too, and she will also be there for her until… well forever. Talking with Ruby made her feel strong about doing this but as she can’t seem to find any good way to say these things she starts to spiral. What is going to happen? How is Rhea going to react? If she writes another useless note she thinks she might start pulling her hair. It’s been a long time since she’s been this stressed, actually, she hasn’t been this stressed since-...

She takes a break before she becomes crazy. Nothing good comes out of a rushed, stressful situation anyway. But the girls are right, she has to stop this: the lying and if Rhea doesn’t want to see her anymore she’ll be hurt deeply but at least now she knows Marcus is okay and that he has a wonderful mother. That’s the reason why she did all of this after all isn’t it? She’ll just have created another mess in the process but surely if they can get over R- his death, they can get over a psycho forcing her way into their lives for a few weeks.

The thing is, you never really know how worse things can get until they actually do. So when Beth thinks killing a man she was involved with -in every sense of the word-, then befriending his ex-girlfriend, inviting her and their kid inside her house, only to feel even more guilty about this too, is her worse, she’s wrong. Obviously. It can always get worse. Especially when the man you think you killed turns out to be alive.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth tries to cope with Rio's return and all that entails.

It’s all fuzzy in her head yet so clear. Some elements she can’t remember -like why she had to go back to the store that night after closing time-, some elements she wishes she couldn’t remember but is actually the only thing rewinding in her head -like the look on his face when he saw her, the disgust with which he scrutinized her. 

Maybe it was all a dream? Her brain playing guilt games again, only much more violent. 

But when she has to go back to her shop and clear the mess that’s her storage room she can’t deny it. He was there in front of her. At first back to her; she thought she had recognized him but that she was becoming crazy. And then he turned his face and-... 

She turns on some music to try to think of something else while she cleans. Although, it’s hard to think of anything but death when you have to clean blood on your floor. Not hers. She scrubs harder. Just the blood of the beat-up guy she found there with Rio. She scrubs harder. Someone she didn’t know but witnessed the death of. She scrubs harder and frenetically. 

There are sensations as well, since this day, following her during the day, and at night. It starts with heat, on her forehead that spreads through her whole body, causing sweat on her temples and back; then there’s this stabbing pain in her stomach, it stabs, stabs, stabs, only finding its release when she pukes violently and tirelessly. When she’s awake she can control it, just like she could that night. Stopping herself from throwing up her gut all over the floor. But the night takes advantage of her most vulnerable moment; until she doesn’t sleep so much anymore, both because of the nausea and the fear of being sick. She’s then so tired it’s hard to control her body even during the day.

Sweat is running down her face, chest, back, from the harsh movements or the memory. She stops, breathless. She looks at her messy cleaning and thinks maybe she will have left a permanent mark from her scrubbing. At least the blood is gone when she pours water on the bleach. Well, most of it. You can never really get rid of it entirely. Anyway the image will always stay in her mind.

She doesn’t really feel like herself anymore, doesn’t know what’s real, or if she’s just being delusional.

This, she couldn’t keep to herself, she had to tell the girls. It would’ve been reckless and dangerous anyway not to tell them, their lives are impacted by this too. Even though she was the one who endured the trauma of killing a guy -or at least thinking she did- and then seeing him rise from the dead. So the girls are at the store the next days with her, helping her; at home as well. One day Annie, another day Ruby. So that when she’s looking at the horizon for 15 minutes and clients are waiting they can take over and act like “Everybody here is having a rough day, you know those kids don’t let you sleep!”.They also help her with the fake cash, they’re in this together. Although they can’t come with her to meetings with Rio to get fake cash and give back the real money. Which is weird, given all the hate he has for her you’d think he would want to see anyone but her and yet she’s the only one allowed in those meetings. Maybe it’s because he enjoys seeing the way she crumbles when he looks at her, how miserable she feels, how scared she is of him now, and how guilty she feels about everything.

Tuesday night, she goes to pick up Jane from her class, when a voice calls her in the corridor.

“Beth!” It’s Rhea she’s waving at her and walking towards her with a bright smile. “Hey, how are you, is everything okay? You haven’t been answering my texts.” 

”Hey, yes sorry I know, I’ve been meaning to but... -and she did only one time at a meeting with Rio, she had been told to distance herself from Rhea.

Everything had taken place the way it used to, they would meet in an empty warehouse, she would return the cash, he would count, all of this hardly talking or looking at each other. However this time as she was leaving he called her out “Oh and by the way, I know you’ve been seeing Rhea.” A dead silence and Beth feels a freezing cold air run along her spine. She gulps, doesn’t turn around, waiting for the rest of it. “I don’t really like that shit. You and her. Don’t need any more of your shit, especially ‘round my family. So distance yourself. And keep your mouth shut.” She stayed unmoving, trying to piece together what this meant (Had he been watching her? For how long?). The message was clear though, and she wasn't about to argue or test his patience. He walked past her with the cash without looking at her, heading for the exit “See you next week.” Like this she had been dismissed from the room in such coldness she could barely stand, her knees trembling.- but I forgot. My head is really all over the place right now haha, I must be working too much.” She’s smiling but Rhea can sense an awkwardness to it. It seems like she chooses to ignore it though.

”Yes it does seem so. You know what would make you feel better? A spa day! Let’s treat ourselves! I have to go but I’ll text you the details I know a great place. I won’t take no as an answer.” 

Beth tries to say something but Rhea is already gone. It looks like she won’t have any choice but to hang out with her. She’s very apprehensive and scared of what will happen if Rio learns about this. And he most certainly will. Yet, somehow it _is_ a smile that is spreading across her face. The feeling is confusing obviously, but she’s just really happy that she’s going to spend some time with her friend. She’s missed her.

A few days later, Beth and Rhea meet at the spa Rhea took a reservation for. She arrives a little bit nervous and excited. She manages to enjoy her day and to relax for a while, though as soon as the day is over, no matter how soothing it had been, anxiety catches up with her. She’s in deep trouble. Once Rio learns about this, she’s going to hear about it. It will probably be the last thing she _ever_ hears about. He was clear: get away from her, no more chit-chat, no more friendly afternoons or evenings or nothing. Yet here she was.

The same week when she meets with Rio it happens like it always happens: atmosphere cold and sickening. She brings the bag to his feet and steps back, watching him count the cash and waiting for him to tell her she can leave. She hopes it won’t take long. She hopes he won’t say anything about her seeing Rhea again. She hopes she can leave this warehouse alive. He squats down to count the cash and as he moves his right arm she catches a glimpse of his gun. And since it’s the only thing she can think about, upon seeing his gun, she remembers that night again. How he played with it, acting cool but deathly dangerous. “So, I heard this place was a funny business”. Walking around this seriously beaten guy she’d never seen in her life but who was bleeding out on her storage floor. “I also heard the owner got a little bit in over their head. Thinking-” How at any moment she thought he would use this gun against her. “that they could start a dangerous game and get away with it.” How he pointed it at her when he said “And I thought I could maybe teach them a lesson.” How he got closer to her, holding the gun to her chest. “Maybe I’ll start with a warning.” And that’s when he turned around and shot the guy in the head. 

Maybe thinking about this had her staring at him, or rather staring at nothing but her eyes were on him because when she comes back to her sense he’s looking at her.

-“Got a problem?”

“No.” She says barely making any sound then clears her throat.

Then he has this look. Like maybe he wants to spit on her. At least that’s how she feels. It’s that same look that got her the most violent nausea of her life that night and that keeps torturing her to this day.

He gets up and leaves, without saying anything as usual, at first, but at the last minute he goes: 

“Stay in your lane Elizabeth.”

He knows.

* * *

-”Alright, so I’ll stop seeing her during weekends if that’s what he wants.” Beth is a little bit agitated, the girls look at her worried, giving each other side looks.

“Is that what he asked?” Annie asks.

“He said “distance yourself”, but I can’t stop seeing her during the week.”

“Why?” Ruby this time. The girls take turns answering not to seem like one person is badgering her.

“Well because I have to pick up Jane at her drawing classes on Tuesdays.” She answers like it’s obvious.

“Right.” Annie squints as if she’s trying to make sense out of Beth's apparent delusion.

“”Stay in your lane” what is it with this phrase anyway? I _am_ in my lane. I have to pick up my kid. What I can’t do that anymore either? Just worry about your own shit.” Beth is getting riled up now. The girls look at each other then Ruby asks carefully:

“Don’t you feel like your playing with fire here?”

“Because I pick up _my kid_ , what does he want me to do? Leave her there? Stop her from going? I’m not going to do that.”

“I think he was talking about seeing her outside of that.” Ruby clarifies. 

“Even so, I think -hope- _Dean_ is smart enough to pick up _his_ kid from whatever place she’s at.”

Unfortunately Annie doesn’t have Ruby’s patience. She’s squinting at Beth, sitting back, arms crossed on her chest.

“What is it with this guy that makes you run into deep shit just to get the upper hand?” 

“I'm not running into anything.”

She gets closer and puts her hands on the counter.

“Because I don’t think you understand: he’s _not_ your friend. You shot him and now he’s back and he means business. If you’re not careful _who knows_ what will happen to you?” She throws her hands in the air, then back on the counter. “Get your head straight, Beth.”

Annie has no idea the correlation happening in Beth’s head right now, anyway, she chooses to ignore it, she prefers to stay irritated right now.

“Whatever”. She deflects.

“You ask us to come here, then you don’t want to hear anything, I have better things to do.” She gathers her stuff. “I’m not the irresponsible one here.”

“I didn’t ask you to come here to talk about this.”

“Whatever.” Annie quotes back. Then she’s out.

There’s a silence, then when Ruby feels like the tension has kind of eased down, she attempts:

“She’s right you know.”

She doesn’t have to expand on it because it turns out Beth is not calmed down.

“I really didn’t ask you here so I could get scolded like a little girl. I know what I’m doing.”

“Are you sure?”

Beth looks at her with anger.

“If you want to side with her you can just go as well.”

“Seriously, Beth?” She sighs, hopeless. She gathers her stuff. “Okay, whenever you’re ready.” Then she leaves as well.

Beth ends up alone and throws the dishes with too much force in the sink. Then she sets her hands on either side of it, heavily breathing and trembling. _What has she done?_

* * *

Beth reasons and lets Dean pick up Jane from the class. Which is not really convenient for Dean because he’s just the driver, picking up Jane from Beth’s house, then from the class, only spending time with Jane in the car. But if they start changing the schedule and moreover during the week it’s going to be a disaster and really confusing for the kids. It’s already strange that she asked him to do this during her days but she came up with a good excuse. She can be a very good liar sometimes. Well, with the girls it seems near to impossible to hide anything from them but with Dean it’s easier. Maybe because they were married for so long, or because he never really cared.

The first week, Rhea texts her to know why it wasn’t her picking up Jane and Beth just answers that she had a “thing”. She can deflect in the moment. Because it’s just a text. 

But then she starts to be scared to see Rhea everywhere she goes. Because if she sees her she won’t be able to act normal and her head might explode from thinking about what Rhea could say, what _she_ can and cannot. When she gets out of her house, she might be in the corner, when she’s inside her car, she might stop at the same red light, when she’s in the supermarket, Rhea might be in the next aisle. Which is ridiculous, she’s avoiding someone who’s supposed to be her friend. Well not really avoiding, more like walking anxiously through life waiting for their inevitable encounter. 

What makes it a little bit easier might be that Rhea isn’t texting her either during the week. So that’s something she doesn’t have to worry about. She neither has to answer for her actions face to face nor by text. Anyway, Beth is already overthinking her behavior enough, a text from Rhea would just be the cherry on the cake for her mental state.

The second week she’s still not picking up Jane, as she’d planned to do from then on. She thought maybe she could get away with it this time since it already happened last week. Maybe Rhea would understand that this would be how things go now. But how could she really without any explications? So obviously Beth receives a text from her. But this time it’s a little bit longer than last week. It starts the same way. “Hey what’s up ;) saw Dean again today, still busy?” It already kind of is an imposition for Beth to have to answer this but the problem is Rhea goes on: “I understand you had a thing last week but I haven’t heard about you all week and I wonder if everything is okay? You don’t have to tell me everything if you don’t want to talk about it but I just wanna make sure you’re okay. Call me or text me when you get this. xx” And that’s really too much for Beth. Her friend is _worried_ for her. Oh my god. She’s really the worst person on this planet. She’s _worried_ about her. Is Beth really just dumping her friend without any explanation? Rhea doesn’t deserve that. Well she didn’t deserve any of this. She doesn’t even know it but Beth is a poison in her life. Her actions now just confirm it. If only she could justify the way she’s been acting. Reassure her. Or just tell her and set her free from this fucked situation. Letting someone down? That’s not Beth. That’s not how she behaves. That’s not how she treats people. She would _never_ do something like that to someone she cares about. So why is she doing it right now? If she just told her everything maybe she would understand. Maybe not everything. Some of it. Something that would relieve her from the burden. Help her move on. And Rhea as well.

Beth is not really sure what’s going on or what’s going to happen but she takes her car keys and leaves in a hurry. Heading for Rhea’s apartment.

She drives fast and not really carefully trying to figure out what she’s going to say. _Look Rhea, there’s something I have to tell you._ No. _I know I have been distant but there’s an explanation._ She passes a few orange lights and almost runs over somebody at a stop sign. _God, what am I doing?_ She thinks she’ll figure it out on the spot. Yes, when she sees her she’ll know what to say. She parks in front of Rhea’s building in a rush then goes inside. She’s waiting for the elevator but it’s clearly not coming fast enough for her. She taps her fingers on her right leg, the other foot tapping on the floor. _Come onnn._ Everything seems to take so long. Too long. When she’s on the right floor she’s almost running there but then a few steps before her door she stops. She tries to regain her breath, does her hair and pulls on her shirt. Okay now she’s ready. She steps in front of the door and rings the bell. Her heart is beating so fast, she’s sure anxiety is physically visible but it doesn’t matter. She has to do this now. _What is taking so long?_ She barely has time to finish her thought that the door opens and without thinking she starts:

“I’m sorry Rhea I can explain everyth-” she’s left speechless. In the door frame is not Rhea, but Rio. 

Fuck.

They stare at each other for a few seconds. His eyes first surprised then quickly angry. Mad. It takes her a second to understand what's going on. Who's in front of her. Did he hear what she started to say? She's not supposed to be here. He keeps eye contact. She thinks he can't believe she's here too. Only he's not scared like her. He's mad. Crazy mad. If they were alone she's not sure what he would do to her, but she can see him clench the fist not holding the door. She gulps. She wants to run the other way. Luckily - if there is any luck to be found in this situation- Rhea intervenes and comes at the door to see what's going on. 

"Who is it? Oh, Beth, I didn’t know you would come right away. I meant that we could find a date" she says, amused.

Beth leaves Rio's eyes to find Rhea's. She’s confused. She clears her throat. 

"What, what do you mean?"

“My last text.” She sees in Beth’s eyes that she still doesn’t understand so she elaborates. “I said we should meet to talk but I didn’t mean right now.” 

Beth pats her pockets. She forgot her phone at home. She tries to fake it.

“Oh right, yeah, sorry, I can come by later.”

Beth glances at Rio, he knows she’s lying. Eyeing her carefully.

Rhea looks at Rio then at Beth. 

"That's okay, you can come whenever you want. And you know Christopher so it's not a problem." 

Beth tries not to look at Rio but her peripheral vision catches sight of him and even though he's trying to act cool not to give away what's happening, she can see the way his twitches at Rhea's declaration. 

"You wanna come in?"

"No, you’re right let’s find a proper date to meet and we’ll have all the time we need.”

Rio intervenes now for the first time.

“You sure?”

She looks at him and she knows there _is_ a wrong answer. But then she thinks there are only wrong answers right now. She just nods.

“Okay then text me your schedule and we’ll do something.”

She nods again.

“Okay bye Beth, text me when you get home.”

Beth nods, smiles and turns on her heels.

“Always a pleasure, _Beth_.” 

Rio’s words give her a stone-cold feeling in her back.

Unlike on her way to Rhea’s, Beth drives very slowly back home. She has to process what just happened. And figure out what _will_ happen.

When she gets home she finds her phone on the kitchen counter. Two messages. They must from Rhea. The one she sent before she left home and probably another one asking if she’s okay because she doesn’t think she looked as chill as she wanted to. She reads the first message, from Rhea indeed, but the second one is not from her, it’s from Rio.

“Warehouse. Tonight. 11.”

They don’t have any meeting or drop planned obviously. This is about what just happened. She gulps. Well, she’s fucked so what can she do to spend the day waiting for her hour? A glass of bourbon is most likely to help.

10:30.

She starts to get ready. She doesn’t want to be late and make things worse than they already are. Surely she can find an excuse, explain to him what went through her head. He can understand that you don’t just dump someone like that. If he just listens to her she could talk sense out of this. It’s going to be fine. Plus if he wants to meet it probably means he wants to talk this out. Otherwise he would just come over and point a gun in her face. That seems to be more his thing. Yes, they are going to have a conversation. Like adults, solving a problem. Because after all, this is just a problem that needs solving, right?

Okay, let’s go.

She’s early.

He’s earlier.

He’s waiting for her, sat on cardboard boxes.

She stays at the entrance to keep some distance between them and calls him in her smoothest voice.

“Hey.”

He looks up at her and the look he gives her is definitely not the one of someone who wants to talk. She’s glad she kept her distance.

“Why were over there?” his voice so cold it freezes the entire room.

She doesn’t answer.

He gets up. And starts walking slowly towards her, rubbing his hands a little to hard.

“What’d you wanna “explain” to her? huh?”

She keeps eye contact but not a word leaves her mouth. Her throat is too dry anyway to form any sound.

He gets closer, cracking his knuckles and then forming fists. She steps back but she’s already against the wall.

“How’d she know we knew each other?” with each question his voice is filled with more anger.

He’s in front of her now.

“What’d you tell her?” Her not answering is not helping soothe him, but right now she’s lost in the situation. She doesn’t know what to do or say. She’s just watching him get angrier and angrier. 

He shoves her into the wall his hand splayed on the top of her sternum, almost at her throat, eyes mad. 

When her head hits the wall Beth’s eyes go wide.

“What did you tell her Elizabeth?” He almost screams at her.

His stumbles a little at the end of her name. Like he wasn’t expecting to say that. Or that this word would have any sort of impact on him. His eyes go back and forth between her left and right eye. Then the look in his eyes is almost pleading for an answer. 

Seeing how frustrated he seems to be Beth gives him part of an answer. As much as she can get out right now.

“I just told her that we knew each other from the park because I thought the kids might talk.”

It’s like he has a realization, then sees where is hand is and how her shoulders are up to her ears, frozen and he lets go of her immediately. He’s now looking at the floor. It’s like he’s refusing to look at her now. Her shoulders finally relax and she rearranges her coat.

There’s a silence, enough time for both of them to regain normal breathing.

“Why would our kids talk?” 

She’s not sure why he’s asking that. He knows why. He’s been spying on her. He knows she sees Rhea and Marcus regularly. He must be trying to get to a point she doesn’t get.

“I don’t understand.”

He looks at her now, tired, it almost looks like desperation. He’s so hard to read and most of the time she thinks she overthinks everything about the way he speaks to her, or the things he’s done for her…

“Why’d go to her?” Again he’s not looking at her and she doesn’t know what seems to be making him so uncomfortable all of a sudden. Like he doesn’t have the upper hand right now.

“I needed to say something, I can’t just-”

“No I mean in the beginning.” He has kind of a smirk when he says that, like he’s asking this to unsettle her. Because he knows she felt guilty all along and that’s what drove her to Rhea. But when he lifts his head and looks at her he can’t keep the smirk and his face changes. He now looks at her like… he’s mad at her. He shakes his head a little bit. Maybe he’s mad at himself. Or maybe both. Again Beth thinks she’s overthinking his expressions. She’s studied them so hard, from so close, but he’s still unreadable sometimes.

As tension starts to build up and Beth doesn’t feel like she should or could answer the question, Rio continues with another question.

“What were you going to tell her?” He’s more serious now. This was the one thing he told not to do. Tell her anything about their relationship and their business.

However he seems more open for conversation now and Beth still thinks she can talk sense out of him.

“I wanted to tell her something about why I had to stop talking to her. Give her an explanation. I wasn’t going to tell her everything obviously but I have to say something!”

He squints.

“Ain’t it the one thing I told you not to do though?”

“Yes well I can’t just have a relationship with someone and then dump them one day with no explanation. That’s just cruel.”

He huffs and looks at the ground with a smirk, shaking his head. He seems to find that ironic.

She doesn’t read into it but at least she’s glad the atmosphere is now friendlier; or just less dangerous. So when he lifts his head back up to look at her with still his smirk she gives him an awkward smile, trying to match his mood.

He starts to walk towards her again and she feels her heart beat faster. _What is he doing?_ When he’s right in front of her -she’d say approximately way-too-close-for-her-liking inches away from her- he dives into her eyes with a very serious look.

“Don’t tell her anything. If she has questions I’ll take care of it.” An order.

She can only nod. His proximity blocking her voice, her ears. When she looks at him blood floods to her ears, making it impossible for her to concentrate. _How can he do that?_ She thinks. Changing the atmosphere like that. One second she’s afraid for her life, then their bickering, then he’s… here. How can he make her feel all possible emotions in less than twenty minutes in the same room?

Also, how can he change moods so fast? Because just like that he’s over it and gather his stuff and with a nonchalant but serious voice he tells her:

“Don’t forget the drop in two days.”

And he’s out. 

She can then finally catch her breath like she hasn’t needed to in a long time. _What the hell was all that?_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After what happened in the warehouse Rio's behaviour start to change and some truths are said.

Rio doesn’t seem like the kind of person who gets bothered by anything or affected by anything for too long. If someone is causing a problem he just shoots them right? 

Beth is more the type to overthink something, try to fix everything by any means necessary. Even things that don’t concern her. 

A lot has happened with Rio since they met and he never seemed to hold grudges or try to get revenge. Sometimes he does things that unnerve her but it’s just the way he is, right? Sometimes she thinks he just does things to her because he thinks it’s fun. But he could certainly never _care_ about her enough to make a fuss out of anything that happens between them. Sure, she shot him so he threatened her into working for him again. But that’s different, _she shot him_. One would say it’s a particular situation. One she guesses he would usually get rid of by killing the person who shot him? It’s still a mystery to her why she’s still alive. Well, it’s probably a game for him. Like everything else.

Anyway, she was pretty unsettled by what happened in the warehouse of course. She can’t help thinking about it, what he was thinking, why did this or that. But she would never think that he’d get affected as well. 

So it’s strange to her when during meetings after this his demeanor seems to have changed. It’s probably not because of what happened though. It’s probably a coincidence that his behavior changed after that day. It’s not like they see each other every day. Something completely different, that she has no idea about and probably couldn’t even think of must have happened that made him act weird around her.

When they started working together again he was just mad at her. Clearly. Just. Mad. She was scared to go to that warehouse to meet with him even. Then it got better because he didn’t seem to care anymore. Something she was okay with. It made things easier. 

But now when they meet he has this tension in his jaw and those shifty eyes. 

The itch to ask him what’s going on is eating her insides and sometimes she’ll open her mouth and try to say something but it’s hard to get someone’s attention when they’re not looking at you. Anyway she feels it might be inappropriate. Let’s not skip steps. If he’s not screaming at her, it’s good. If he can tolerate her presence, it’s better. She doesn’t think they’re at a talking point yet. Well, didn’t think. It doesn’t mean anything but that day he did say something. Nothing really. Actually it might have got her more confused than she was before.

She thought he wasn’t going to acknowledge her but as he’s counting the cash he asks her:

“How did it go?”

She’s not even sure he’s talking to her, she looks around for a second. But of course, he’s talking to her. They are alone.

“What?”

“The drop. How did it go?”

She frowns.

“Hum. Good. Okay. It was okay.”

“Hm” He nods.

Now she’s just waiting, mouth opened, confused.

He closes the bag, takes it and before leaving he lifts his head and gives her what she doesn’t think is but can’t help seeing: a smile.

Then he’s gone and she’s left there more confused than ever. 

This man is the most complicated human being, men _and_ women included, she’s ever met.

* * *

Then again the next week, it happens. Every time it makes even less sense. It’s like he has a whole conversion in his head and will only ask her the information he needs to finish it, so she has to answer something she doesn’t understand. No context whatsoever. For him it makes perfect sense obviously. He knows what he’s talking about. No need to involve, say, the person he’s talking to. It’s already so unexpected that Rio would like to talk to Beth. She would like a little bit of information, and warning. It would also be easier to know his state of mind if he would look at her when he’s talking to her, but that doesn’t seem to be his brand these days.

This week again out of the blue he tells her:

“You don’t have to pull your daughter out of the drawing class.”

She is, one, confused about the statement, two, offended that he thinks she needs his approval to anything regarding her children.

“I know. I wasn’t going to.” she tries a powerful tone but her dry throat kind of cheats her.

He smirks.

“Good.”

Beth rearranges her coat and straights her back.

“I thought you stopped going.”

Again, what _is_ this question? Who told him what? What does he want to know? _What’s his deal?_

“Hum, yeah. Dean would pick her up.”

Is he?... Is he giving her permission to go there? Not that she needs any permission from him, but maybe that’s what he’s getting at.

He nods. Takes the bag and leaves, giving her a sign of the head.

So that’s what they’re doing now apparently. Having meaningless conversions once or twice a week, bearly looking at each other. Meaningless for Beth at least, in the literal sense of the word. However, if they’re on a kind of speaking term it means things are going good so she’s not going to complain, for now.

Beth goes home tired from her day, her week and her meeting with Rio. Never knowing where she stands with him or generally never understanding what he’s saying is one of the things that has her the most tired. 

The kids are not home tonight so it will give her the opportunity to relax. Not for too long though because someone is ringing her doorbell. She’s not expecting anyone, neither today nor at this hour. Beth didn’t expect her evening to turn the way it did when at the door was none other than Rhea. She opens the door for her.

“Hey.” Rhea was looking at her hands then lift her head and gave Beth a smile when she opened the door.

“Hey, what are you doing here? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah sure, I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

For a second Beth looks at Rhea confused, taken by surprise by her unexpected visit.

“Can I come in?”

Beth was lost in her thoughts for too long apparently.

“Yes, of course, sorry, of course.”

She lets Rhea get inside and leads them to the kitchen.

“Do you want something to drink? To eat?”

“Why not, what kind of herbal tea do you have?”

Beth gets out some and both of them chose one. She then gets two mugs out and gets some water to boil.

“So, what’s going on? What do you wanna talk to me about?” Beth is starting to get nervous.

Rhea plays a little bit with her tea bag and then takes a long breath of courage and asks Beth with confidence:

“Under what name do you know Christopher?”

Beth is speechless. Redness starts to crawl up her chest. 

“What?” She tries a credulous tone but she’s frowning a bit too much for it to be credible. “What do you mean?” Now her face is just plain awkward, between a smile, a scared expression and a fake naive one.

“Look, I’ve had my doubts since the day I met you - that you knew Christopher more than you said… I didn’t mind you not sharing what you didn’t wanna share, I was sure you had your reasons but then when Christopher got back to work… It was about the same time you started being… distant. So I feel like there are some things we need to talk about.”

There are a million thoughts going through Beth’s brain right now yet there’s not one she can make clear. It’s basically just loud buzzing in her ears. She’s brought back to her sense when the kettle beeps water’s boiled.

“What… what “doubts” are you talking about?” She has more of an open face now, but still anxious.

Rhea takes a deep breath. Obviously this conversation is just as uncomfortable for Rhea as it is for Beth. She even seems… apprehensive, something Beth cannot quite fathom. What is she afraid of? She should be angry or disappointed. But somehow she seems scared of something Beth could say. What could it be?

“Since the beginning, you’ve acted strange and tense when he was brought up I’m sure I can remember the name Rio slipping out of your mouth, a name I know he uses for his business relationships…”

Beth’s inhales and gulps at his name, her eyes start to get blurry.

“Rhea, I’m sorry…”

“I’m sorry too, that we had to meet in these circumstances... which I don’t really know what they are at the end of the day…”

Beth feels terrible. She has to confess something to reassure Rhea that not everything was a lie.

“We did meet sometimes at the park and that’s how our kids know each other.”

Rhea smiles slightly.

“I know. You can’t make kids lie for you anyway.” She says with irony. “At some point I thought maybe you got curious about his kid and his life. I know Christopher is so secretive it can be maddening. It became undeniable when you knocked on my door and I found the two of you… The energy you were both radiating was clearly more complicated than just “park buddies”.”

With each word it’s a punch to Beth’s stomach. She can’t imagine what impact these same words have on Rhea.

“I’m sorry Rhea… There are a lot of things I wish had gone differently.”

“Me too. I’m just hoping that…”

“What?”

It is as difficult for Rhea to get those words out as it is for Beth to hear them.

“Knowing Rio he probably didn’t like you and me getting too close. He likes his business and private life to interfere as much as not at all.”

Beth nods and gulps, there is an “and” to this sentence.

“And I was hoping this was the only reason you started avoiding me.”

Rhea is apparently relieved to have said those words and Beth is lost. _What would be the other reason?_

“What would be the other reason?”

“That maybe you had an angle… And once reached it you didn’t need me anymore.”

_Oh wow. That’s fucked up Beth._

“Oh my god, never. I would never. Look I’m so sorry about all of this I really like you I just screw up everything and make everything more complicated than it already is but I would never use you and lose you for my own interest.”

Rhea seems even more relieved.

“I mean I thought you wouldn’t but it’s still something I thought about and I had to ask you.”

“Of course. And I’m glad we had this conversation. I wanted to have it with you for so long but I never had the strength and then there was… Christopher.”

“Is it what you came to tell me the other day?”

“Yes…”

Well, actually Beth had come to confess way more than she just had. Or more accurately than what Rhea just laid down for her and she took responsibility for.

For a moment, the girls don’t talk, taking in everything that was just said. 

“Well, at least now everything is said and we can go back to normal.” Rhea declares.

Beth is not really sure what “normal” is although she’s pretty sure she can go back to her own parenting schedule and leave Dean alone on Tuesday nights now and that is a sense of normality.

“It’s getting really late now so I think we both need a good night of sleep.” Rhea is warm again and Beth feels the warmness reach her chest and body. “I’ll see you on Tuesday?”

Beth doesn’t know why Rhea would assume she can come back to the classes since Rio seemed to be the issue but since he doesn’t seem to care anymore she guesses it’s okay for her to say yes. It must be a coincidence.

“You’re right, I’ll see you on Tuesday.”

The girls hug each other before Rhea finally leaves Beth’s house.

When she finds herself alone Beth exhales heavily, feeling a whole lot lighter than before, smiling. Then as the pressure goes down her smile is slowly being replaced by tears. 

There is still a lot that hasn’t been said but this conversion has a powerful impact on her mental health and her sleep that night.

* * *

Beth’s week goes quite fine after that. Even good. It feels like it’s all starting to go back to normal, as much as it can in Beth’s life. On Thursday she eats and drinks with the girls, on Friday she makes a drop -which goes fine-, on Saturday she spends time with her children, on Sunday she chills in front of a good movie, on Monday she goes to work and on Monday evening she has to meet with Rio. 

She’s not so apprehensive anymore, since he seems to be in a nice mood these days. Though Rhea did come to her house so she expects him to bring it up but she knows she did nothing wrong so he can’t attack her on that. It’s not like she asked Rhea over or they spent a whole day together. 

Anyway, she thinks she has the right to do anything she wants in the privacy of her own home. So if he wants to bug her with it she won’t go along with it. He has to know she has boundaries to what he can say to her or tell her to do.

When she opens the door of the warehouse he’s already there, _obviously_ , and she braces herself for whatever he’s going to say but he seems to have an open expression, like he could be smiling at her if he wanted to. That doesn’t mean she’s going to lower her guard though, she knows him enough to know he _loves_ playing mind games. Maybe that’s the only thing he can do even. She has trouble understanding how he can tell what’s real and what’s just a game. She knows _she_ ’s been struggling.

His arms are along his body, very relaxed, and Beth’s shoulders are tight. The more she looks at him the tighter she gets because of how relaxed he seems to be. She’s even scared of what look could come on his face. When he’s angry it’s easier because there’s nothing good to expect. Not that what she’s nervously waiting for is good, but his face is so open she feels from one second to the next he could be watching her in a way that feels too nice, too intimate, too… stimulating. 

No, it’s definitely not a good thing. She’s going to make sure she puts enough distance and asserts herself.

She approaches the table and when she’s at arm’s length she clears her throat and lifts her arm straight with the bag, making him lean to grab it. She hopes it will show him her mood and that he’ll be somewhat less comfortable or on guard. It doesn’t though but he seems to find it funny that she tries.

She’ll stay in her position still.

After a few minutes Rio says almost carelessly:

“Saw Rhea at your place the other day.”

There it is. 

As discussed, she had every right.

“I didn’t invite her.”

“I know. That’s not what I’m saying.” He’s not angry. It’s almost like he’s trying to make conversation. Or fishing for information. “What did she want?”

Beth thinks about her answer for a minute. Is he really cool about it or is there something she shouldn’t say?

But again, she had every right.

“Well, if you must know she came to make up with me, wanted to talk it out.”

“Hm” he says, interested.

“Yeah. She said she knew everything about you and I working together and she felt it was a shame that you were keeping me from seeing her.” Beth is feeling proud, now is a time to flip the table and show him he was wrong.

“Really? Hm… Everything?”

“Pretty much yes. She knew how terrible I felt and she came to talk to me since I couldn’t talk to her when I tried.”

Rio is nodding, unimpressed, his mouth in a curve, corner of his lips down. 

“Did you tell her it was you who shot me?”

Suddenly it’s like Beth’s stomach drops, her breathing stops and her heart jumps. She’s wide-eyed, unable to speak. Her mouth drops and her lower lip trembles.

Rio looks incredibly smug. She can’t believe what he’s asking.

“Did- she knew you were shot?”

“Yeah, you think the person who takes care of my kid doesn’t know if I’m in a life or death situation?” he tells her, condescending.

She can’t believe he’s, one, talking about this so freely, two, not mad while talking about it. Like he has no issues using it to torment her.

“I-” She tries to answer, but what could she say?

“Did you?” he asks losing patience.

“No.” She answers to the ground almost in a whisper, shoulders low.

“Thought so.”

A silence follows, which Beth is thankful for. Just enough time to get her heart to beat at a normal pace. She would gladly stay in silence until the end but he doesn’t seem to be in the same mood.

“Maybe she didn’t think you were capable of it.”

Beth looks at him. _What is trying to do? What good does it bring to keep talking about this? Shouldn’t he be trying to avoid the subject?_

“Underestimated what you capable of.”

She squints. He hasn’t finished his sentence and she’s not sure she wants to know how it ends.

“I know the feeling.”

Now she’s _very_ uncomfortable. 

His furrows his brows, like the memory is painful.

She’s looking at him but she’s not waiting for him to look at her it’s more like she's frozen in place and her eyes have found his face. But when he does look at her he’s giving her a sneering smile.

 _Is he… proud of himself for making her uncomfortable? By using the fact that she shot him? Is he- is he making_ jokes _about it?_

Then without blinking he closes the bag and changes the subject.

“Alright, looks good. See you in a few.”

And then he starts walking to the exit.

She’s still frozen to death but her body moves unconsciously and before he can leave the warehouse she turns and starts talking words she didn’t know she was going to say.

“I- I’m sorry.”

If he looked smug before he’s now more serious. She can see the way his body tenses before he turns around to face her.

They stay looking at each other. Him waiting for her to finish her thought, her not knowing she even had a thought to begin with.

“For what?” He asks with a strong but careful voice.

It takes a second for Beth to answer because she didn’t know she was going to say that, doesn’t know what she is sorry for. Or maybe she does.

“For shooting you.” her voice is careful, afraid these are words he doesn’t want to hear from her mouth.

His eyes dart back and forth, his hand is starting to form a fist. She can see him gulp to try to regain control of his emotions.

“Well I’m sorry it happened. I’m sorry it went down that way.” she’s so unsure of how to explain herself, scared it’s going to come off all wrong.

He nods like he’s not entirely satisfied by her apology.

“If things could’ve gone differently…” her voice fades.

He blinks slowly and exhales.

Beth can see he’s losing interest, but she needs to say this, needs him to hear this, to understand this, her.

“I never want to hurt you. Never wanted to hurt you.” her throat makes a nod, tears starting to blur her eyes.

She’s pleading him to understand her with her eyes because his are still angry, uncomfortable. 

After a minute she leaves his eyes to look at her feet. She wipes quickly the corner of her eyes and that’s when she spots his hand. His eyes may be angry but his hand is not in a fist anymore. She observes his body language and the tension seems to have gone. When she finds his eyes again he’s already looking at her. Hasn’t stopped one second. From the corner of her eyes she sees his wrist move up and instantly back down. It was barely an inch but the room is quiet and still that every single move is made bigger. The muscles in his arm are tight, like holding his hand back. They’re too far away from each other, but if they were closer, she’s sure he would reach out to her face and push her bangs out of her eyes like he used to.

After what seems like the longest minutes of Beth’s life, Rio exhales from his nose and looks away. Then with the same voice as before he repeats:

“See you in a few.” then leaves.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth organizes Jane's art show and Rio realizes he's not blameless in this story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think, what you liked, what you'd like to see :)

**BETH**

Jane runs to her mother’s arms.

“Mommy! You’re going to see our paintings and drawings next week! The teacher said there will be cake!”

“That’s great sweetie! What day?”

“On friday!”

Rhea who was talking with the teacher approaches Beth while sending a text.

“So, Jane told you? The teacher is organizing an art show for the kids. She said she needed help I thought we could do it together.”

“Hum yes, I mean, I wanna help, but I’m not sure if you-know-who will be okay with it.” She doesn’t want the kids to know their parents have complicated relationships.

Rhea has a smirk.

“Don’t worry, he’s fine with it. Let’s text details and so we can go shopping this weekend, alright?”

Beth is a little bit confused but Rhea seems to have everything figured out.

“Okay, then.”

Rhea winks at Beth before leaving with her son.

Well that was weird. She should be more worried she’s sure but there’s something about Rhea that makes Beth trust her without a doubt.

Beth looks at her schedule to see when she has time to shop for this little art show, when should she bake the cakes? the night before? in the morning?

Shit.

She has a drop on friday night.

Well even if she doesn’t organize the exhibition she wants to be there to see all the hard work her daughter has put into her art.

It’s not like you can ask your boss for a day off in the crime business. But maybe they can arrange something.

_I’m just gonna text him. A text isn’t gonna do anything, right? It’s just a text. Positive answer or negative answer._

_“Hey, there’s an art show for the kids on friday next week, can we reschedule my drop?”_

Okay, sent. It’s fine. It’s just a text. She can get to her other activities she doesn’t have to stick to her phone waiting for him to answer. So, she places her phone on the counter and leaves the room. 

Only, he’s a fast replier. It would be embarrassing to say she ran to her phone, and quite inaccurate. She walked fast. The sooner she knows his answer the sooner she can adapt to it.

_“You coming with me on tuesday drop instead.”_

Oh? That’s it? That was easy. No need to panic. Though she doesn’t really see how it makes up for it: there will still be a drop to make on friday. But if she’s free that day it doesn’t matter.

 _Now_ , she can focus on something else.

There is plenty of clothes to wash so she’ll start with that.

_Wait._

Does this mean they’re gonna have to spend time together?

She doesn’t know how his drops go but usually for her it’s a lot of waiting at night inside her car.

Maybe they’re going to drive separately.

Probably not.

She sometimes has snacks in her glove box.

_Do you think he has snacks as well?_

But this is a worry for another day.

Oh here’s a worry for today. 

If it’s on tuesday it means she has to call Dean to pick Jane up. 

He might ask too many questions though. And she can’t keep asking him to change his schedule for her convenience. It’s more of… Dean’s thing.

She can call Annie, she’ll probably be free.

And she doesn’t care if she has to make a drop because he knows how it is she won’t make a fuss about it like Dean could. She’s not going to tell her she’ll be with Rio though, doesn’t want to worry her… or hear anything she could say about him.

Tuesday night

**RIO**

_Always makin’ everything more complicated. Always fuckin’ up. Makin’ me do shit I ain’t wanna do. Makin’ me so fuckin’ mad. Makin’ me-_

That’s when the door of his car opens and Beth gets inside.

She seems uncomfortable.

“Hi” she says, almost unhearable. 

Of course she’s uncomfortable. This partnership, or whatever, is so fucked up. 

He knows why she’s uncomfortable. Right now it seems obvious given what happened between them in the last few days. 

She had apologized to him and he had stood there. Not knowing how to react or what to say. At first he was mad that she was apologizing, like she had the right to do so. She had fucking shot him and she thought that giving him this guilty worthless apology would make everything go away? Dead wrong. You don’t get away with shooting Rio by batting your eyes and wiping a few tears from your cheeks.

Except he knows this is not her, knows she wasn’t trying to by him off with a guilt trip.

He wanted to believe so hard that she was manipulating him since the beginning. That she befriended the mother of his son and entered his son’s life because she had some ill plan. 

He had to convince himself of that because there was this other part of his brain that was always whispering to him that she wasn’t not like that, that she’s a mother, a good person, that she truly felt guilty and this whole thing started because she was so desperate to fix everything.

So when she apologized, he was also mad that she was proving this part his brain right. 

He was mad because it made everything more complicated.

But he didn’t say anything that night. Didn’t know how or where to start.

But he had been thinking about it everyday since, making him crazy. 

He was especially so mad that _she_ was making him mad. Who is she to make him mad? He was so mad that he was mad at her but that when he saw her he couldn’t be anymore. Because he tried and he failed. Because when he touched her that night, when he grabbed her to hard, he had been thinking about this too everyday since.

He doesn’t want to think about her. Even less about her feeling terrible about him and apologizing to him. And now he was losing sleep over her. No. Not over her. Over what she said. Over what _he_ should say. Because turns out there are some things he could apologize for as well.

So when she enters his car and is the most uncomfortable you could see, he knows why, knows it very well, is uncomfortable maybe just as much but is better at hiding it.

Rio isn’t the kind of person who talks, much less apologizes, his actions speak for him. When he wants to apologize or put something behind him he’ll hand out his hand for a hand shake, pat a back or touch a shoulder. People usually understand this language, it’s universal and has worked quite well for him until now. 

The problem is, he can certainly not touch Beth right now, or even later. Given their history -since the beginning and most recent- it would feel like assault probably or at the minimum wildly inappropriate. 

So he doesn’t like it. It unsettles him. He was fine seeing her until now, didn’t feel any need to be close to her or reach her. But now it’s all he can think about. He had been wanting to see her, been missing her presence, been reminded of her whenever he smelled her perfume on someone else. And now that he was next to her he wanted to reach her, feel her.

And it’s crazy how when he was mad at her he couldn’t smell or feel anything about her presence but now that he _needs_ to, the second she closes the door of his car and they are in a closed space, all he can smell is her and all he can feel is her body increasing the temperature of his car. And the sensations are so familiar it’s maddening. He knows and can distinguish the smell of her shampoo from the smell of her soap from the smell of just her, knows what her breathing sounds like when she’s upset, how she behaves when she’s nervous, almost smirks when he sees her readjust her jacket because he knew she was going to do it.

They are waiting in silence and he tries to contain himself but as much as he tries he can’t help glancing at her. He decides to lean his head on the window and busy himself on his phone to avoid looking at her. There’s not much he can check on his phone though and with his head down his eyes easily trail to her thighs. She’s wearing jeans, tight jeans. She’s a curvy woman but his hand could still wrap the whole surface of her thigh, just above the knee. He could reach, give it a squeeze. 

_I understand how you feel, how you felt. I’m sorry this situation is so damn fucked up. Let’s move on, you and me._

“Is there something you’d like to say? Because if not I would like you to stop staring at my thighs.”

_Shit, here we go._

He takes a long breath of annoyance and throws his head back. 

_Who fuckin’ knows what she went thinkin’._

He decides it’s safer to just stare through the window until it’s time for the drop.

The waiting is interrupted by Beth’s phone ringing.

“Shit.” She looks through her bag, agitated.

“Hello?... No… Annie’s picking her up…”

Rio recognizes Dean’s voice on the other side of the phone. Beth seems bothered by the phone call and it makes Rio smirk. When Beth spots it she lowers the volume of her phone so he can barely hear anything. He doesn’t to hear anything about _Dean_ anyway or whatever is related to her fucking joke of a _marriage_.

“I had something… What?” She glances at Rio. “No… You’re being ridiculous…” 

She’s trying to be confident but -he doesn’t know if Dean knows her as well as he does, he should since they were married for so long, but he also seems like he’s a dick so who knows?- her breathing is off and her voice is unsteady, she’s clearly uncomfortable and in the wrong of this conversation, whatever the conversation is. 

She tries annoyed to get the upper hand back.

“Did you want something?... 6, but I’ll go before to prepare with- I’ll go before… Okay, see you then.” She hangs up a little exasperated. 

After the drop he drives her home in silence and as they approach her house he takes his shot.

“I always knew you could be something more than what you let yourself be. Always knew you’d get somewhere if you’d let yourself take control.” 

He stares at the road while talking but can see she turned her head to look at him, mouth slightly opened.

“Never thought it would turn against me though.” He huffs a laugh.

She closes her mouth.

“But I guess, you also learned the second most important lesson, you put yourself first.”

She’s not saying anything and they stay a few minutes in silence but they quickly arrive at destination. He parks across from her house.

“What’s the first lesson?” she asks voice unsure.

Now that he’s not driving anymore he risks looking at her.

“You can’t trust anyone.”

  
  


Friday afternoon

**BETH**

“So I’ll be going over there in a few minutes.” Beth tells Annie as she gathers the things she’ll need: cookies, napkins, paper glasses… “I just need you to watch them for an hour then you can bring them over there.”

“Don’t you need help? You have a lot of stuff, you should’ve called Ruby as well.”

“No I’m fine another mom will help me.”

Annie crosses her arms and gives a judgmental look to Beth.

“Who?”

Beth rolls her eyes.

“Rhea, alright?”

Annie doesn’t move from her judgmental position.

“So you’re still up in gangfriend’s personal business.”

“Would you stop? It’s fine, I’m fine, everything’s fine.”

“Oh is it now? Since when?”

“Since… I handled it.”

Annie has never been less convinced in her life.

“Right.”

“You never even properly talked with her, I’m sure you’d like her.”

“That’s not really my point.” she says in confusion. 

“Well…” Beth leaves hanging.

Annie gives up, she shrugs and goes to the kitchen getting a wine glass out and some wine. “I’m also taking care of your kids a lot these days, wouldn’t be surprised if they started calling me mommy.”

Beth has so many bags on her arms you can barely see them anymore.

“Would you rather do this?” She asks as she tries to pull her arms showing all the heavy stuff she’s carrying.

Annie hesitates (barely).

“Hm, nope.” Then she opens the bottle of wine and pours herself some.

“Thought so.” Beth smiles slightly, amused. “Don’t be late. Anyway I don’t think Jane would let you.”

Annie sticks her tongue out and Beth winks at her.

* * *

“Okay, so given how the drawings are displayed I think we should put one table of food over there with the green paper on top and another table of drinks on this side with the blue paper on top.” Beth finger points in the middle of the room and when she turns around she finds Rhea has a smile on her face, eyebrows up. “What?”

Rhea shrugs. “Nothing. You’re bossy.”

Beth smiles awkwardly. “Sorry.”

“No it’s fine.” Rhea chuckles. “I’m just gonna take these cakes and display them if that’s okay with you. You can rearrange them behind my back after as you want.”

“I’m not going to do that.” Beth shakes her head, grinning.

“As you want.” Rhea repeats with irony.

The two women get everything ready and then Beth goes around the room to look at everything, see if everything goes together nicely, from afar and then from up close. She takes a look at the kids art quickly and she passes by one of her daughters drawings and her heart warms at her accomplishments, she’s so proud of her. Rhea comes next to her and looks a the one in front of her, it’s Marcus’s, their kids works have been put next to each other. 

“Jane really likes colorful stuff, mine seems to be into grey, and blue.” 

“I guess she is, but your boy is more into realistic things, see how he’s precise, or trying to be.” 

They both laugh.

“What time is it?” Beth asks.

“7:30”

“I should probably call Annie to tell her to get ready. And also Dean because… well I just wanna make sure he remembers the time.”

“Wow you’re bringing the whole family.”

“It’s just that Annie watched the kids while I was here because Dean was at work. But I guess she’s going to stay.”

Rhea smiles at Beth but it looks a little bit sad. And then it hits her.

“Is Christopher coming?”

“No, I don’t think he will. He has a very busy schedule, plus he told he had extra work tonight.”

_Oh_

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m just sorry to have to see Marcus disappointed that his father wasn’t here. Again.”

There’s a silence.

“Maybe he can facetime for 5 minutes, we’ll see.”

“Yeah probably.” Beth is trying to be helpful but the reality of the situation is not lost on her.

* * *

Everyone starts to arrive slowly, Annie is impressively right on time but then Jane probably pushed her out of the house. As she should, it’s her night, you don’t want to be late. And as soon as she gets here she runs to her mom and tugs at her dress.

“Mommy! Mommy! Come see my stuff!”

“I will honey, but let’s wait for daddy then we can all look at it together, alright?”

Annie approaches Beth and Rhea and Beth braces for another awkward encounter. Fortunately Annie doesn’t seem to be in a fighting mood anymore and reintroduces herself politely. Of course Rhea remembers her and it’s not like Beth hasn’t told her about Annie a thousand times but this introduction feels like a reset, like Annie’s willing to give her a chance. That’s a big relief for Beth, otherwise she was about to spend the worse evening of her life. Now that she realizes it she is going to spend the whole evening surrounded by Rhea, Marcus, Jane, Annie, Dean and the rest of the Boland gang, yes, now that she thinks of it, it’s a blessing if everyone, especially fire bomb Annie, behaves politely.

Dean arrives a few minutes later and Beth is kind of thankful for it. Even if Annie is trying her best to be nice and things are going seemingly well, she would do anything to get out of the conversation. So when Dean spots them she takes Jane and goes to him so everybody can dispatch in the room. And that’s what happens. Jane is very eager to show her parents all the works she has done displayed in the room, they barely have time to look at them because every time she’s in a hurry to show them the next one. Beth kind of saw some of them but she didn’t take time to really look at them and she’s really proud of her daughter and really happy to be sharing this moment with her. She also glad Dean is here and Emma and her boys. It’s important to keep family events and to support each other. When parents divorce, everything can be so chaotic and disconcerting for kids, having everybody here makes for good family time. The mood of the event really takes over everybody, the kids are having fun, Jane is super happy and proud, as are her parents who are not fighting, which is a relief. Dean gets drinks for Beth and himself after they’ve seen everything their daughter desperately wanted them to see and they’ve had time to appreciate it. There’s not much small talk between them so he’s trying to find subjects of conversation and asks her about her “friend”, the one who was asking about her when he had to pick up Jane instead of her. Fortunately, Dean had never seen Rio with Marcus and couldn’t make the connection.

Beth doesn’t know where Rhea is at the moment, the room got a little bit filled with parents but then she spots her across the room. She can only see her but she seems to be fighting with someone, hidden behind the crowd.

“She’s over there.” She point with her chin, taking another sip of her drink.

The person who was hiding who Rhea is speaking to moves and a familiar shape pops up. 

She almost chokes on her drink. _Shit_ . She shouldn’t have shown Rhea’s position to Dean. It’s too late now. He’s going to see Rio. _What the fuck is he doing here? I thought he wasn’t supposed to be here. Well that’s probably what they’re arguing about. Fuck, fuck, fuck._ She looks around herself, panicked, looking for some help. Annie is too far and in deep conversation with Kenny. She can’t yell to call her. She can’t do anything. She’s stuck. Here with now Dean, Rhea and Rio.

Then it’s Dean’s turn to almost choke on his drink.

“What the hell is he doing here? How disrespectful is he to bring your business here.”

Then he realizes who Rio is talking to.

“Wait, why is he talking to your friend? Do they know each other?”

Beth is frozen in place, heart pounding in her ears.

To make everything perfect Marcus runs to his parents shouting “Daddy!” Rio and Rhea stop arguing and Rio takes Marcus in his arms. “Hey little man.”

Beth takes a quick look at Dean’s face, his mouth has dropped. When his expression changes from shock to suspicion she looks back in front of her.

“Is he- Is he this kid’s dad? Did you know?”

Beth keeps looking straight. Gulps. What is she going to say?

“Beth.” He calls her once to get her attention and when she doesn’t answer, another time more firmly. “Beth.”

She looks up at him.

“What?” she tries for an innocent look but Dean is not buying it.

“Did you know?”

“I-”

Then it’s clear in Dean’s eyes what Beth’s game is. Or what it isn’t.

“Did you? Did you get close to this woman because of him? Did you want to be close to his kid?”

“Don’t be ridiculous Dean I had no idea they were connected.” She pursues with her act but Dean is not even acknowledging it now.

“And you brought Jane into this? Invited this woman into our home, into our lives.”

“Well, it’s my house now.” she points out.

“Don’t play stupid with me Beth.”

She doesn’t respond.

“What is wrong with you?” he shakes his head at her.

“Look Dean, we don’t live together anymore so this is not _your_ home but mine, we’re not married anymore so which friend I bring in _my_ house is really neither your business nor do you have a say in it. And which friends _Jane_ makes is beyond your control or mine so shut it.”

“I think I still have a say in my daughter’s life and into what situations I bring her. You forced her to become friends with this kid for your own benefit.”

“Oh my god, I didn’t force her to do anything they were friends long before she started this class with him.”

“What?”

The conversation had started to get heated and Dean’s last word was one decibel to loud, making them realize people had started to stare at them and whisper. Fortunately, they became aware before the room fell completely silent; there were still some chattering. Of course, Rhea and especially Rio were part of the people who had noticed their little argument. Beth found Rio barely hiding how entertaining he found the whole thing. When their eyes cross his grin widens and it makes her lose her mind. _Of course, he’s enjoying this._

Annie finally catches sight of the situation sidesteps her way to Beth quickly.

“Beth! You _have_ to come see this.”

**RIO**

“Chris. Chris!”

Rio leaves Beth’s eyes and his grin changes into an annoyed purse of his lips.

“Look Rhea I came to see my kid’s work, shouldn’t you be happy?”

“I am but-”

“Cool so let’s enjoy it. I’ll be at the bar. Or whatever.” He points his chin to the table with the drinks.

Rio walks over to the table and starts looking at what he could pour himself. it's mostly juices so he decides to settle for the pineapple juice as he feels a presence coming next to him. The person leans over him and almost pushes him with their elbow to take the bottle of orange juice the furthest from them when there's clearly another bottle on the other side way closer. 

Rio looks up to see what kind of asshole can’t see a bottle of orange juice right next to them. 

_Oh_ . He smirks. _Of course._ It’s Dean, trying a power play with a fucking bottle of orange juice. He ain’t ever seen that before. So petty asshole it is.

“Need some help man?”

Being taller doesn’t make him less scared. Dean looks like he’s trying to swallow a whole apple down his throat.

“No I’m fine, I just need some drinks for me and Beth.” Dean presses the word “Beth” like he’s trying to mark his territory. _He would piss on her if could._ The thought almost makes him laugh. He keeps it under his breath though it's enough to piss off Dean already. Rio pours himself his drink. He doesn't want to get into any kind of conversation with this individual, doesn't respect him enough to even try to make him uncomfortable, but Rio doesn't have to do much to make it happen. 

"Think she might like apple juice better." he says to ease him. 

"Thank you I think I know what my wife likes. She's been having orange juice for decades and it's always suited her perfectly." 

For fuck sake is this man using orange juice as a metaphor for his marriage? How pathetic. Rio's having trouble not openly laugh now. It's just juice. He really thinks everything is about him? Let alone his marriage? His dick must be damn small. 

"Alright man" Rio really doesn't care but Dean seems to want to front hard and doesn't move. If that's what it takes to make him fuck off Rio would be pleased to front too. He just needs to watch him in the eyes and see the cowardness in them. Indeed, pretty funny. He could do this staring game for hours, he knows what Dean is and isn't: impressive. 

**BETH**

"So what was happening there, I thought… Christopher wouldn't come?" If she could act like she doesn't care Beth would. Unfortunately when she saw Rhea and Rio arguing she had this sick feeling and an urge to stop everything and know what was going on. It probably has nothing to do with her but she can't help thinking maybe she would come up in the conversation and Rio would say things he shouldn't say, or rather that she doesn't him to say. Or maybe he would portray her in a way that's not true, or that Rhea doesn't know. 

"Me neither. He said he had work tonight." she has an expression between defeated and upset. "I'm glad he's here obviously, Marcus is thrilled." 

"But?" 

"Well it's just I don't like it when he does that because then Marcus gets used to it and every time his daddy has to work he waits for him thinking it's another surprise and ends up disappointed. And there's really nothing I can say to make him forget his dad is unreliable."

Rhea has her arms crossed and she's rubbing her thumbs on her elbows anxiously, knowing she'll have to go through the same situation again. 

"He really listens to nobody does he?" Beth tries for a humorous tone but there's actually curiosity behind it. She's curious to know how Rhea knows him. How they interact. How different he is when he's with her. 

"Chris? Oh I can get him to do a few things. It's with Marcus he's always reckless." She obviously has something on her mind and Beth is eager to know what it is. 

"What do you mean?" Can she _actually_ get anything out of him? Does he listen to anybody?

Rhea smirks. 

"He left you alone for tonight didn't he? Though I did have to tell him off a few times about us."

Beth frowns. _What does that mean?_

Beth is about to ask but is already on something else, and frowns as well but not in confusion. 

"Do Dean and Chris know each other?"

Beth feels her cheeks heat. 

"Why?" 

Rhea points her chin over Beth's shoulder. 

"I don't things seem heated over there." Then she takes a sip of her drink. 

Beth turns around to see Dean and Rio facing each other. They both seem tense. Beth doesn't like it. It's never good when they see each other. They already barely do but Beth then hears about it all day. Either from Dean lecturing her or from Rio making fun of him. Though she thinks she'd rather hear Rio being smug about his insults towards Dean rather than Dean thinking everything is about him. 

They seem both tense. Well Dean more than Rio. Rio is playing a game he knows he's already won. 

She should probably stop it before someone gets hurt, or makes a fool of themselves. 

"I'm gonna go see what Dean is doing with our drinks." 

She walks over there, she thinks Rio notices her but she doesn't know if Dean is aware or if he is in too deep of his own emotions. She tries to stop their ridiculous staring contest. 

"Did you get the drinks? What is that? Orange? I told you I wanted apple." 

An awkward tension settles in Dean and Rio smirks. She feels like she said something wrong. 

"But that's okay I like it too, thank you. I think Jane is looking for you." 

She needs to get Dean away from Rio. 

Dean presses Beth's shoulder. 

"Alright, I'll be over there. If you need anything." 

_Why would I need anything?_

"Okay." She nods with a smile. 

She watches Dean walk off and then turns to see Rio, his wide grin, barely hidden, playing toothpicks. She stares at him, she leaves her arms and her sides, her angry mom look should be enough for him to understand. Though, he doesn’t seem to want to say anything and she gets bothered.

“What did you say?”

He grins.

“I ain’t say nothin’.”

She puts her hands on her hips and keeps staring at him, hoping for a change in his behaviour. But who is she kidding? This is not how you get anything from someone like Rio. And the more she will try to get his attention, the more he’ll find it actually hilarious to ignore her. She decides to take her drink and walk off. He’ll talk when he wants to talk. This night is not about him, or them, or business. She turns her heels when he finally spits it out.

“Thought you and Mr. Bean were divorced.”

She looks at him and he looks smug, proud of his little joke. She doesn’t know what makes him say that but she knows it’s none of his business anyway. She will still shut him up.

“We are.” She answers curtly.

The tone of her voice doesn’t have the result expected. Quite the opposite: it gives him even more assertiveness (if that’s possible) to go on.

“‘s not what he said.” He purses his lips.

Now she gets bothered with Dean getting in her business again. It’s already complicated enough, she doesn’t need him to bring his testosterone into this. She knew the second she saw him and Rio together it wasn’t going to be good. However, she can’t show Rio her ex-husband is being a dick, she has to show a united front. She can’t afford to show any flaw in her personal life to Rio. It shouldn’t matter though. It’s not like they were ever together or “a thing” and they are now in a battle of “who has a better life now”. It has more to do with her protecting her personal life from Rio. If he’s her boss he has no business knowing about her personal life, right? So that’s what it’s about. She clears her throat.

“It’s complicated.” She says it like he could never understand what she’s going through. 

He nods. 

She look at him looking for his next words, thinking maybe this time she’ll have the last ones.

She’s wrong, obviously, she’s even more wrong on how much Rio’s words can affect her. He starts with a playful tone:

“You might wanna remind him where you stand.”

He turns his head then and the next thing she knows she finds her eyes locked to his. 

His face turns serious.

“You know how to do that.”

And her stomach drops. He seems collected when her back feels ice cold. Though, both their eyes are searching each other. She’s frozen in place and his face is the only thing she can look at, but he’s able to break his stare. He takes a sip of his drink.

“Alright mama, gotta congratulate my boy.” Then he walks off.

Beth slowly comes back to her sense, closes her mouth -which she hadn’t realized fell open-, thoughts coming back to her in shock waves. Between all the voices, going through her brain she settles on fathoming this one: _He has some nerve telling me that. Like he doesn’t do it just as well. Telling me “where he stands”. Like he hasn’t rejected me before. Not rejected but. You know. Like he has never come on to me then shown a cold face the next day, or next second. Like he hasn’t done it just now._

 _I don’t know where I stand with him, only know where I don’t stand._ She looks at him and Marcus. He’s kneeling down to tell him a joke. The two of them smiling and laughing. _Even that I don’t know._

* * *

After a tumultuous start for the evening, Beth finally relaxes -as much as she can- and enjoys the night, celebrating her daughter. For a while she forgets all about Rio and the drama going on behind the curtains. Beth knows well how to behave in events like these: talking with the moms, reassuring the dads, making sure the bar is always full, cleaning the empty plates. It’s so familiar to her she doesn’t think about her tiring week and how she’d like to be doing something else: she’s on robot mode. Annie is always here to make sure she doesn’t do too much though. Not by helping her. Just by stopping her to tell her another one of her unbelievably hilarious or disgusting -or both- stories. Beth loves those stories. No matter how much she tells Annie how she hates them, she loves them. They are refreshing. And right now much needed.

At some point, in the evening people start to leave and the room is emptying in waves. Beth wants to stay until the very end, obviously, to clean everything. 

She was talking with Dean when Rhea arrives from behind her.

“Hey Beth, I got an emergency at work I have to go. I’m so sorry I can’t stay with you to clean afterwards.” She seems pretty upset and nervous, she has her phone in her hand in fist.

“Of course. Don’t worry I totally understand.” Beth reassures her.

“Thank you for understanding this is really the last thing I was expecting.”

“It’s fine. You go.” She comforts her with a smile then something hits her and she frowns. “What are you gonna do with Marcus? Do you want me to take him home while you’re at work?”

“That’s very nice thank you but Chris will take him.” She says with a smile, a bit confused nonetheless.

Beth had forgotten about Rio. Or “Christopher”, “Chris”. _Where is he by the way?_ Beth restrains herself from looking around, chooses on staring at Rhea. Hopefully not for too long.

“Of course.” She smiles awkwardly, shaking her head. 

Dean walks in beside Beth.

“You know Bethie I think I should take the kids home. This thing is over, they are tired.”

Rhea looks up at Dean and understands the conversation has moved on so she can rush to her car. She whisper “bye” to Beth, waving her hand, as she leaves.

Beth now registers what Dean has just told her. She’s not sure if the kids are really tired or if it’s mostly him, but he’s right, this thing is over, so she’s not going to argue.

“Okay, you’re right. Take them home. I’ll take a ride with Annie after we clean.”

Annie hearing her name in the conversation swoops in.

“After we what? I’m not touching any of other people’s disgusting food.”

Beth breaths out in fake exasperation. 

“I’m gonna start gathering them right now, ‘cause it could take while.” Dean tells Beth.

“Okay, and I’ll start tyding.” 

Once they are alone Annie starts negotiating her cleaning part as Beth actually cleans, gathering all the leftovers and used glasses on the table.

“Okay I can help you with sweeping the floor, gathering the arts, whatever you want. But I am telling you” She holds her index in front of her now. “there’s no way I’m touching other people’s food.”

“Alright Annie. As long as you actually sweep the floor.” She teases.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about I sweep very well.” She crosses her arms and raises her eyebrows.

Beth nods with a clear grin of disbelief.

“You _do_. Some say you might do it too well. Or too often.”

Beth is making herself laugh and Annie is faking irritation.

“You know what Beth I’m too mature for this. I won’t answer to your provocation.” She says as she holds her palms out on her sides.

Beth continues to tidy.

“Are you too mature to help me too?”

Annie is not answering.

“Annie?” 

Still no answer.

“Annie??”

Beth has to stop what she’s doing to turn around and see Annie with her arms crossed looking away at something.

Beth trails her eyes to find Marcus at the end.

“So-” Annie furrows her eyebrows. “Are you playing family gathering with gangfriend now?” She looks at Beth raising her eyebrows and sticking her lower lip out in a curve.

“I didn’t know he was gonna be here. Come on.”

Annie shrugs.

“If you say so. I thought since “everything was fine”,” She makes air quotes with her fingers. “maybe you’d moved on to the next stage of your “relationship”.” Again she uses air quotes with over necessary big gestures .

“Come on.” Beth is not in a mood to answer Annie’s questions about this. Actually she never is. Her questions make her uncomfortable. They make her feel like she’s doing something wrong. She’s not. She’d rather resume tyding.

Annie actually comes to her side to help her this time. With an actual relaxed and non judgmental voice she asks:

“Where is he by the way? Isn’t he suppose to take care of his kid?”

Annie’s right. Beth hasn’t seen him for a while now. She was grateful for the little time she got where she didn’t think about where he was but it’s now coming back like a train hitting her. She _has_ to know where he is. Which is weird. She doesn’t really understand why she needs it so deep in her guts. Right now she’s not even thinking of understanding it, she just thinks: _where is he?_

“Hum, I don’t know” She shrugs. “I’m sure he’ll come around.” Her voice is a bit too high to seem calm but Annie doesn’t notice. 

She finds it very hard to concentrate on anything else but Rio’s whereabouts so she decides to make up an excuse. Which is not really one. She truly believe she has to do this.

“You know what I’m gonna go look for him and tell him Rhea left and Marcus might be looking for him.”

She leaves everything she had in her hands and leaves the room promptly. 

“I’m sure she texted him though!” Annie shouts, but Beth is already gone.

She walks through the corridors nervously and rapidly. She pops her head in one, two, three classes without seeing anyone. It kind of hits her that she’s looking everywhere for someone that most likely doesn’t want to be found in the moment, and certainly not by her. _What am I doing? Why am I looking for him. Right. Marcus. For Marcus. I have to tell him about Marcus. He’s probably looking for his daddy too. But he can’t walk around in the school alone. I have to help. That’s what I’m doing. Helping._ After some more empty classes she finally finds him in one. She’s quite glad she doesn’t have to look in the bathroom. Which is what she was going to have to do if she couldn’t find him anywhere else. He’s in the back of the room looking at the various posters and papers on the wall: kids drawings, days of the week, classroom rules… He doesn’t hear her come in, or at least doesn’t turn around.

“Hey, I hum, you’re… Rhea left.” She feels clumsy now that she’s found him. It seemed like a good idea while searching, now she doesn’t really know what she’s doing here.

“Yeah I know.” 

She approaches and comes to his side.

“She texted.” He glances at her.

“Right, of course. Just wanted to make sure.” She feels redness burn her chest.

He seems really absorbed by what he’s looking at so she gives it attention. Only he’s just looking at kids drawings. Nothing really interesting there. But it helps her steady her breath from her active search and embarrassment. 

After a few minutes she risks asking him something.

“What are you doing?”

He gives it a minute before answering. 

“Had to take a call.”

She’s rarely -if not ever- seen him this relaxed. There’s no anger in his voice, not even annoyance from her questioning. He’s plain relaxed, at ease around her like she could never be around him.

She looks around and frowns her face.

“Right. And you had to take it this far away.”

He’s still not annoyed. She thinks he might even find her funny as a small grin starts to draw itself on his lips and he turns his face to look at her.

“Took it outside then got curious ‘bout the school.”

It’s crazy how easily their eyes get locked on each other, without blinking, without shame. 

“Curious hun? Didn’t think you’d be curious about “she takes a poster on the wall in front of her “how to wash your teeth right.”

He smiles at her. And as soon as her eyes lift from the poster they find his again. Everything around them is so quiet. Yet the energy he radiates is so loud. And the way it resonates inside of her is deafening. His eyes seem heavy lidded. Focused. Lost in hers. Or is it just her, lost in his?

“What are you doing here Elizabeth?”

His words bring her back to reality. Maybe _she_ was lost in his eyes. Maybe he was just studying the way she crumbles in front of him. Not at all savoring the moment.

The familiar burn to her chest comes back. And maybe also the desperate need to clear her throat. And maybe she’s afraid her palms are about to get sweaty too.

He turns his whole body to face her and begins searching her face intensely. 

The look he’s giving her frightens her. It’s too close to wath she knows. Too close to the way he used to look at her. And the feelings it awakes in her are frightening too. She can’t have those feelings now. Can never have them again.

She gets out of her head for a second, because if she doesn’t she will explode, and concentrates on him. And that’s when she sees he actually looks distrustful too. It’s like that day in the warehouse. He has that same body language. Like he wants to reach out to her. If she didn’t believe herself crazy she’d say he looks frightened too. Like he wants something but won’t allow himself because he’s scared of her reaction. Of the consequences. Expect, it’s impossible for her to believe he’s afraid of anything. Even less of anything she could say or do.

The way he looks at her feels right though. Right now it feels right. It makes everything feel right. If they can allow this moment to happen maybe she can allow it to last a little longer. Maybe she can do what he always does. If he won’t reach out to her maybe it’s because it’s her turn to show him everything is right.

It might seem strange but it’s easy for her to lift her hand, almost like a reflex. Like she’s the one who has been doing it all along. 

The moment her hands shoot his does too.

They both stop. The side of their hands hanging against one another, skimming softly. Neither of them having expected the other to move.

And as they stay staring into each other’s eyes, Rio starts moving his fingers and after hesitation so does Beth, thinking they’ll intertwine them. But suddenly Rio’s fingers move up and cup her wrist, then they glad down again, taking her hand in his, brushing his thumb inside her palm.

Her heart is pounding, yet her breathing seems steady. It feels right.

Her phone rings.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth has to deal with the fallout of lying to Rhea, petty Rio protecting himself from his true feelings, and she has to set limits with Dean, before she can start new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! I hope you enjoyed the ride :) Thank you for the kudos and comments :)) and thank you to my friend Ands for helping me come up with this and reassuring my ass.

Beth hangs up the phone, the tension of the room still burning her skin.

She walks back to Rio.

“It was Annie. Marcus is looking for you.”

Beth attempts eye contact. And fails. He nods and licks his lips.

“Let’s go then.”

A physical distance settles between them, and the walk back is quite awkward. Beth feels like she has to say something to make it go away. _Say something_ . These moments between them are so rare. He never shows any emotions towards her, never allows himself to be vulnerable around her. But it’s so much better when he does. _Say something. Don’t let it go to waste._

She thinks back about how Rio rescheduled a drop so easily for her and Rhea’s weird reaction about it. She’ll go with this, trying not to sound invasive, or rude.

“Rhea said she had been… talking to you about… this thing tonight.” He cocks an eyebrow, she’s going to have to be more precise. “And more particularly about me, and her, organizing it, together.” He raises his eyebrows like he’s finally understood where she’s getting at. Then he huffs a laugh.

“Yeah she did.”

“What did she say?”

It seems like he doesn’t want to go in any further details, but Beth does. She gives him a look.

He cocks an eyebrow to her.

_Yes, I do want more details._

He drops his head. Maybe it was too much questioning. Beth doesn’t know what his next reaction is going to be.

But then he raises his head again and laughs softly at the memory.

“She told me to fuck off.”

Beth’s eyes are wide. _She did?_ Then she frowns. _She can?_

Rio and Rhea’s relationship is so interesting to Beth. She wonders how they got to this place. Wonders how it is to be in a relationship with Rio, what kind of partner he is.

She catches herself staring at him and stops before he notices and they enter the room. 

But maybe he did notice. Because he gives her a look and a small smirk before pushing the doors of the room open.

* * *

“I’m just saying, the bear has nothing on the alligator.” Annie tells loudly.

“Alright Annie, I’m sure you’re right.” Beth answers in disbelief as she rounds the counter to face the girls sitting in front of it.

“It’s not me, the scientist said it. It’s years of research.”

“What kind of shows are you watching anyway?” Ruby asks with judgment.

Annie squints at her.

“It’s a very serious documentary series. I’m educating myself.”

Ruby raises her eyebrows.

“Wow I’m glad you do. We definitely needed to know who would win in a fight between a bear and a crocodile.” 

“It’s an alligator.” Annie snaps back.

“Whatever. You watch weird stuff.” Ruby takes a sip of her wine.

“Well it’s better than watching stupid drama shows all night.”

Ruby is outraged.

“Oh you call _my_ shows “stupid”?”

Beth laughs at their bickering when the ring bells.

“Alright girls stop it. Rhea’s at the door.”

Annie frowns.

“Why is _she_ here?”

Beth gives her a disapproving look.

“No I don’t mean it like that, sorry. I just mean.. What is she doing here?”

Beth shakes her head.

“She getting back the boxes she left at the art show on Friday since she had to leave early.”

Beth opens the door and greets Rhea warmly.

“Hey Rhea, come on in I have everything prepared I’m gonna go get it.”

She lets her in and leaves the room.

As soon as the girls are alone with Rhea it gets awkward. They greet each other politely with awkward smiles. Ruby doesn’t really know Rhea so it’s Annie who feels she has to say something to ease the tension and maybe redeem herself for being _maybe_ a little bit harsh on Rhea… behind her back. Really there’s no reason for Annie to speak at this moment but she does it anyway.

“Hey, you’re hum, you’re cool.” She points at her with her glass in her hand.

Ruby looks at her like she always does: like she’s a crazy person who just said a crazy thing. And Rhea just feels even more uncomfortable at the weird compliment.

“I just mean, you know, given everything that happened, you’re still friends with Beth, that’s a great value.” 

Ruby doesn’t quite know yet where Annie is going with this but she felt it was a bad idea from the moment she opened her mouth.

Rhea, more confused than ever, tries to clarify.

“Oh well you know it’s okay that she works with my ex, I don’t know why she didn’t tell me in the first place.”

“No, I mean”

That’s when Ruby gets it, and she panics.

“Annie would you like more wine?” She hopes her tone will alert Annie but it doesn’t, she’s completely oblivious.

“No thank you, Ruby, I’m fine, can’t you see my glass is full?” She shakes her head at her. “No, I meant about her shooting R-”

“ANNIE why don’t you tell me again why the crocodile would win a fight against a bear?”

Annie gets annoyed that Ruby keeps interrupting her and confusing alligators with crocodiles.

“It’s an al.li.ga.tor. it’s not that complicated, I thought you weren’t interested?”

Unfortunately Ruby’s intervention was too late and Rhea is starting to fathom what she just heard.

“Beth shot who?”

Ruby’s eyes are wide, and only now does Annie understand what she just did. The girls are speechless.

Beth chooses the best time to come back with Rhea’s boxes.

As soon as she hears her steps Rhea turns around, eyes wild with anger.

“You shot Christopher?”

Beth’s stomach drops. So does her mouth. And her capability to speak.

“It was you? It was you who shot him?” Rhea can barely contain the fire starting to burn inside of her.

Beth’s mouth trembles.

“Rhea I-”

Rhea’s eyes are wide.

“Oh my god I can’t believe it! You did! It was you. You shot the father of my child. And he almost died.” She shakes her head at her. “And you thought we could be _friends_?” With each word her voice gets louder.

Annie and Ruby are frozen, well at least they try to but Annie drops her glass, making unnecessary noise.

Rhea flinches at the sound but her eyes don’t leave Beth’s sight.

“You shot him? You became friends with me? You invited my son into your home?” Her eyes twitch at the thought. “And then” Her eyes are wide open. She can’t believe what she’s saying. “when _I_ came to you because I was _worried_ about you, you didn’t say anything?”

Beth tries to keep her tears for her but the onslaught is getting difficult to bear.

“Rhea-”

Rhea crosses her arms in front of her. “No. I don’t wanna hear a single word out of your mouth.” 

So Beth closes it.

Rhea looks at Beth with the same disgust she remembers seeing in Rio’s eyes a few weeks ago.

“You’re so full of shit Beth. I can’t believe I trusted any words that ever came out of your mouth. And Christopher had warned me about you. But I didn’t wanna believe him. Guess that’s a good lesson for me.”

She shakes her head again, frowning.

“And how can you be working with him? How can he be working with _you_?” 

_You’re disgusting._ Beth hears, even if Rhea doesn’t say it.

“Is this a weird kink of yours?”

Beth doesn’t think Rhea actually wants an answer for that.

“I guess it’s none of my business what you do. But just know,”

Rhea approaches Beth. Beth’s heart beats so loud in her ears she thinks she might pass out. Rhea rips her boxes from Beth’s grip. She moves her head so close to Beth’s, she can feel her breath on her face and points her index into her sternum.

“Don’t _ever_ talk to me or my son again. Don’t come to my house. Don’t come to the art class. I don’t want to see you anywhere near us. Ever. Again.”

Rhea gives Beth a look she’s sure never to forget then she leaves in fury.

It takes a second for Beth to catch her breath.

A tear makes its way down her face. She wipes it quickly form her face then looks at the girls, full of anger and disconcert.

“What the _fuck_ happened?”

The girls purse their lips at the same time, then Ruby gives a shy look to Annie, playing with the broken glass.

* * *

Beth rips their glasses out of the girls’ hands before they have a chance to take their last sips and shoves them in the dishwasher.

“I’m really sorry Beth.” Annie tries again carefully and still embarrassed by the situation.

Beth spins back to face the girls.

“Look, I don’t wanna talk about it. You guys should go. I need a shower.”

Ruby and Annie feel concerned but they understand they have to give her some space for the moment.

“We’re still on for the-” 

“Yes, yes we are.” Beth overlaps Ruby, in a hurry to be alone, to breathe.

The door clicks like someone is trying to get in with their own key.

“Are you expecting someone else?” Ruby asks.

“Of course not.” 

It’s Dean.

“Seriously?” Beth almost yells at him before he steps two foot in her house.

Dean, not registering the interjection was for him, lifts his head, innocent.

“Hey.” He smiles at her.

He is the last thing Beth wanted to deal with right now.

“What are you doing here? And you have your own key?” Beth doesn’t care that her voice is high with exasperation for him.

“I just came by to see the kids. Is this a bad time?” He avoids the second question and keeps a warm voice that makes Beth even angrier.

“Okay Beth we’re gonna go. See you then.” Ruby says then the girls wave goodbye and leave.

“Bye.” Beth has time to say before the girls are out, too focused on knowing what the fuck Dean is doing here, now.

She rounds the corner and crosses her arms on her chest.

“It’s not your weekend. What are you doing here?”

“I know it’s not my weekend I was just in the neighborhood and thought I would come to say hi. Maybe play with them a little. Spend some time with them.” 

It’s not lost on Beth the children are not the only person he wants to spend time with.

It makes her crazy that even with an explicit schedule he’s not capable of respecting her life.

She walks past him thinking he’ll catch on that he’s not welcome right now.

“We have a schedule Dean, I have other things to do.”

It starts to irritate Dean that she’s not giving him the attention he wants. He doesn’t even realize she’s mad, just that she’s not reacting the way he had anticipated before coming here.

“What is it that you could _possibly_ have to do that would prevent me from seeing my children?”

 _Really, do you think my life revolves around you?_ Beth keeps to herself.

He follows her through the corridor.

She needs to set limits.

She flips around and almost bumps into him. 

“One, I don’t have to tell you anything I do in my own house.” She says firmly. “Two, why do you still have a key to this house?” She’s yelling at him that second part.

“Yeah I still have a key. I don’t see what the big deal is. If you want I can make you a key to my apartment.”

Beth feels her head is about to explode she can’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. If she were a cartoon she’d probably have smoke coming out of her ears. 

“I don’t want a key to your fucking apartment.” She snaps back with disgust. “And I don’t want you to come to _my_ house whenever you want.”

Dean looks shocked and even maybe vexed. For a second Beth can’t believe she has four children with such a child.

“Why don’t you want me to come?” 

_Is he serious?_

She can’t go any further in a conversation where the counterpart is a fucking wall. She turns around and heads for her room. He follows her.

“Are you afraid I might come at a bad time?” He pauses. “For example, at a time when you’re having company. Like, I don’t know a dangerous gangbanger with a big throat tattoo? Are you meeting with him here? ”

Beth is frozen with anger. She explodes at him.

“OH MY GOD. Really? Are you really bringing this up right now? You are obsessed and delirious.” She yells at him. “Now get out of my house I would like to take a bath. Alone. In peace.” She demands firmly, her fists and legs shaking with anger.

He stays speechless for a moment then nods.

She doesn’t wait for another acknowledgment and enters her bathroom, slamming the door once in.

Before the door shuts she hears him say for himself “You didn’t say no.”

She turns on the water to warm it up and she can’t believe how frustrated and angry she feels right now.

She takes a deep breath and the tension only starts to get down, giving her chills from her shoulders to the small of her back.

* * *

How convenient it is that she has a drop tonight. What a perfect fucking day. First Rhea, then Dean, now… whatever her “ _boss_ ” is going to come up with. On a daily basis there’s already no way of knowing if he’s going to be in a good or a bad mood. And good mood doesn’t happen often. She’d even say it never happens, sometimes he’s just in a playful mood, which is better than- anything else. So she hopes Rhea hasn’t called him yet, because that would definitely put him in a bad mood. Things had started to go back to the way they were. They were good. On good terms. Doing business. 

If she can she would like to explain what happened today herself, warn him maybe of what Rhea might throw in his face. 

Her bath has relaxed her just enough so she can bare to go to the drop. She puts on the first thing she finds and takes the bag full of cash from under her bed. She zips it shut and heads to her car.

Of course, there’s a way of saying things, and a time. Ruby could have told her this situation was bound to happen, she most probably will tell her that when they see each other again. And Beth guesses she’s right. Well, yes, she’s right. It was bound to happen. So maybe Rio knows it too, is expecting it. Not right now, of course, because, why would he? But if it doesn’t come as a shock it will be easier to tell. And maybe he won’t even get angry. That would be unexpected though, he would be at least upset. And rightly so. 

By continuing to work together and hide things from Rhea, they just put things off. It was probably not a good idea but they both did it without quite thinking about it.

Things always work out better when they keep things for themselves. It works better for them if she doesn’t tell anything to Annie, or Ruby, or Dean even.

The only problem is when things blow up in their faces. Mostly Beth’s. But there’s no way she can prevent that. No matter how hard she tries.

She’s at the warehouse now and her heart is pounding in apprehension of what she’s about to find in there.

As soon as she opens the door and steps inside Rio walks up to her, fast. He had been waiting for her. 

“You’re late.” He points out, then he takes the bag of cash from her hands.

She looks at her watch. She _is_ late. By 5 minutes. It’s never bothered him before. 

She must be late on something else. Like getting to him before Rhea did.

He walks back to the table in the middle of the warehouse and she walks back to him slowly, trying to find her words.

She walks up to his side, nervously rubbing her hands together.

“I… had a talk with Rhea today. Well I didn’t really say anything.” She’ll start slow, try to find out what he knows and not rub in his face what he’s already heard. She guesses if Rhea told him everything, her telling him about it all over again would only add fuel to the fire.

“I know.” He rocks his jaw, opens the bag to count the cash.

She watches him carefully. He seems upset but she doesn’t know if it’s towards her or not.

“So, what’s gonna happen?”

He frowns and starts taking the cash out of the bag.

“What’d she say?” 

Obviously he knows what she says. He’s getting annoyed she’s asking.

“Well she doesn’t want me anywhere near her, or Marcus.”

“And what don’t you get?” He’s really not asking.

Beth stays quiet after that. She watches him count the cash, it seems he’s recounting it for the third time. And each time he gets more upset. This part is usually short. It’s more of a formality. She thinks maybe he’s upset because of Rhea and their conversation because it couldn’t be anything Beth has done. She’s been doing things by the book since he came back.

He stops and exhales, irritated.

“You’re short.”

She frowns, confused.

“What? No I’m not.”

“Don’t play stupid Elizabeth.” He gives her a heated look.

“I’m not! I don’t know what you’re talking about, this is not possible.” And she truly doesn’t understand how she can be short but he doesn’t seem to want any explanation from her anyway.

He stands tall in front of her.

“Look, I got enough shit from Rhea today because of you, I don’t need any more lies from your mouth, a’right?” His pupils dart back and forth.

He’s standing too close to her and she needs to take a step back.

“Excuse me? You got shit because of _me_?” She points a finger to her chest. “It was not my idea to keep her in the dark while we keep working together.”

He doesn’t answer, keep his eyes focused on her.

“And you think she didn’t give me shit too?”

There’s a silence and Rio stretches his shoulders, steering his eyes away from her, before coming back to her again, less angry but still annoyed. Probably annoyed now that _she_ is giving him shit.

“And I don’t know what happened with the money I’ll bring you the rest tomorrow.”

For a second she thinks he’s composed himself and maybe he believes her. But he’s too proud and irritated to even admit it to himself.

“Good”. He says with his snarky smile in the corner of his mouth.

She pulls her handbag up her shoulder and leaves, heals resonating in the empty building.

* * *

When Beth gets home, the house is quiet. Thank god she found a sitter, she doesn’t have to worry about her schedule anymore and the guy is just perfect, sweet and polite. He lives across the street and as every young guy, he needs pocket money. 

She pays him, thanks him and wishes him a good night.

She’s exhausted but doesn’t feel like going to sleep just yet. A glass of bourbon seems perfect right now. Maybe she’ll get wasted, a little. Maybe she’ll fall asleep in front of her tv. She doesn’t quite know yet but it has to do with not giving a shit.

So she does. She falls asleep on her couch, bottle of bourbon half empty, watching a stupid reality tv show, stupid but entertaining enough for her at the time. 

She wakes up with a start, suddenly realizing she has to go to her bed to get a much comfortable sleep.

She walks lazily to her room and starts undressing to get into her pajamas. As she unzips her pants she thinks about the bag of cash and the missing amount she has to get for Rio. She doesn’t even know how much was missing. She should probably ask him what it was since she said she’d get it back tomorrow. Well, today. She looks at her watch but can’t read the time, her vision blurred by the alcohol. She walks to her nightstand and checks her alarm clock. 3 a.m. _He’s probably awake_ , she thinks. And if not she’ll get an answer tomorrow.

She resumes getting ready for bed, which means getting into her pajamas only, she doesn’t have the energy or just the capacity of washing her face right now. She gets into her warm sheets and hands out her phone to text him. She hopes to get an answer right away but if she doesn’t it’s okay, she’s too tired to wait for him anyway.

_“Hoq mych eas nissin?”_

She does get an answer right away but doesn’t seem to be able to read it. It seems to be another question. Why can’t he be straight with her? She asked a simple question.

It seems she’ll need her glasses for this, so get gets them out of her nightstand and reads his text.

_“Huh?”_

What was not clear about her previous message? It’s 3 am, is he in a mood to play games at this hour?

She reads back her own message.

Oh.

Booze and farsightedness are not on her side.

She types again, correctly this time. She reads it three times to make sure alcohol is not playing with her head.

“How much was missing?”

He must have been on his phone already because he’s typing his answer right after getting Beth’s text.

She waits.

She finds it funny that actually seeing the bubbles when someone is typing makes time passes by slower. Like, how long does it take to write a number? _Maybe he’s writing it with letters. That would be dumb._ It actually makes her laugh.

_“100”_

_All this time for that? A hundred what?_

_“Grand?”_

She can’t believe a hundred grand was missing. She would have noticed by the weight. And quite frankly there’s no way she just misplaced a hundred grand.

It takes him longer to answer this time.

_“Dollars.”_

_Really? Fucking really?_

He’s bothering her for a hundred dollars? Well now that’s a whole new level of pettiness. 

But, whatever, if he needs it so bad she’ll give it to him. She’s actually a little relieved because a hundred dollars is much easier to find than a hundred grand.

She throws her phone and glasses on her nightstand and crawls under her blanket.

Before falling asleep she remembers how she had to zip the bag shut. Which is weird because it was ready to go under her bed. It should have been shut already. 

Maybe this one time she forgot to zip it. She’s too tired to think about it anyway.

She falls asleep within seconds.

* * *

It’s not really complicated to find a hundred dollars. She starts by looking a little bit around in her house and at paper porcupine where she could have dropped the money but as she expected she doesn’t find anything. There’s no reason for her to have misplaced such a small amount of money.

Then she starts thinking that maybe she wasn’t short at all, maybe he took the money just out of spit. Just because he was annoyed yesterday. Maybe Rhea had talked to him in a way that his ego and she was the one collecting the consequences. 

_He wouldn’t be_ that _petty, would he?_

Well anyway, if she said she’d give to him today so she will.

He could have deducted the amount from her cut, but no, he wanted to make a fuss out of a hundred dollars. So she ended up taking it from her own wallet.

They agree by text that he’ll come by Paper Porcupine after closing time and she’ll give him the money then.

When he arrives she is still with a client and he seems upset that she’s not done even though he is 15 minutes early. 

At first she glances at him, nervous that she’s making him wait, his jaw tensing every time the client asks another question. Then she looks at the time and decides a deal is a deal and they said closing time, not 15 minutes before closing time. Since she’s not in the wrong and everybody knows clients come first, she decides to take her sweet time with the client. She takes her sweetest voice as she tells the client all possible combinations and services she can offer, ignoring Rio grouching in the back. 

The second the client exist the store and Beth closes the door behind her, Rio calls her out.

“My money.”

Beth turns the “open” sign to “closed”.

“Jesus, give me a second.” 

She reaches in her purse behind the counter and hands Rio the money.

“Here. I hope you didn’t miss out on any amazing opportunities due to this huge shortage.”

She levels her eyes with his but he’s barely looking at her when he takes the money from her hand. He doesn’t say anything then turns his back to leave.

“Wait!” 

He turns his head.

“What?”

Beth is startled.

“What about my cut?”

Rio smirks.

“I don’t have it here.”

His smirk quickly dies when he realizes what he just said, and the history those words have with them. 

Beth’s surprise changes at his words to nostalgia and when she sees the look on his face it turns into embarrassment. 

Both of them feel it, how awkward it was now to think of those times without feeling conflicted, feeling nostalgia without feeling betrayal and pain.

Rio pulls himself together hoping to cut short to the silence between them. Although it’s too late and both of them know it, Beth plays along.

“I’ll text you when it’s ready.”

“Okay.”

Then he leaves and Beth wonders _“When it’s ready?” How long does it take to prepare a cut when only a hundred dollars was missing? He’s so dramatic._

* * *

Beth doesn’t want to owe anything to Dean, doesn’t want to ask anything of him. She has before and it never ended well. Besides, she doesn’t want to have to answer any of his questions. _What happened? What’s changed? Is it about him?_ Every time it’s the same disc and she’s tired of it. 

So she decided that she won’t ask him to take Jane to the classes. Since Rhea doesn’t want to see her anymore but she won’t stop her daughter from going she decided she’ll take her late to the class. 5 minutes maybe 10. Just so she doesn’t have to see Rhea in the corridor. And she’ll pick up Jane outside the building. It seems like it could work for the rest of the year. There are only a couple of months left anyway.

On the first Tuesday after their fight, Beth drives Jane to the class and parks in front of the school and they wait inside the car, looking out the window watching parents leave one after another. She doesn’t see Rhea, which is weird because they were always the first there so she should have been the first mom to exit the school. Maybe now that they don’t go together Rhea doesn’t think she has to be so on time because there is no one to chitchat with. Maybe she didn’t even take Marcus today. But that would be a shame. Beth doesn’t want a parents feud to come between a child and their happiness. She didn’t even think about it, she thought it was only her who had to stop coming. A new kind of guilt invites itself in Beth’s mind and body. Her throat is soar at the thought and as her vision starts to get blurry by tears, she thinks she finally sees Marcus. She blinks a few times to see Marcus on the other side of the road, only it’s not Rhea’s hand he’s holding, it’s Rio’s.

It’s weird to see him here, in this environment. Although she knows he’s a father and she’s seen him doing father things multiple times, it’s always weird to see him like this, so _normal_ . She always forgets this side of him maybe because it’s easier to understand him without it. He’s a drug dealer, a criminal. He and she are business partners, doing illegal, dangerous things. There are no feelings involved. He doesn’t mix business with -well not pleasure because he _has_ \- feelings. It’s easier to hate him like this also. He’s a manipulative mastermind. Toying with her to get what he wants. Craving making her beg for freedom. 

But when she sees him like this, with his son, when she sees how careful he is, how loving, she can’t help the way her heart clenches. So he _does_ care about some things. He _does_ have feelings. Maybe the word _feelings_ can be used between them. He’s a human being after all, everything about human beings is defined by feelings. And maybe those feelings are not only of hatred and disgust. Or at least weren’t. Before she shot him. What about now? Can they ever go back? Not that she wants anything too… intimate. She just misses how well they... worked together. 

She was staring too hard she didn’t hear Jane calling her out.

“Mommy! Why are we waiting? Mommyyyy!”

“Sorry honey, yeah let’s go.”

She was so lost in her thoughts she doesn’t remember if Rio exited the school but they are already 12 minutes late so she’ll take the chance.

She gets out of the car, gets Jane out, closes the door behind her and makes sure the doors are locked. When she turns around to cross the road, holding Jane’s hand, she sees Rio walk out of the school. 

_Shit._

She hopes he won’t see her, but that’s without Jane’s excitement.

“Hey, mommy look it’s Marcus’s daddy! Hey!” She shouts as she waves her whole arm as high as she can.

Beth makes an irritated sound in the back of her throat. _Kids._

Of course, Rio hears it and he stops. It’s like everything happens in slow motion. He turns his head. Sees Beth first. Watches her for what feels like eternity. Eyes boring into hers, making her skin burn, even from a distance. Then he looks down at Jane, smiles at her and waves with two fingers. Then he looks back at her and they both acknowledge each other with a nod before he walks back to his car.

* * *

On Wednesday she has a meeting with Rio. She had to do an extra job for him, probably to punish her for the missing money. He can be spiteful like that sometimes. 

This time she makes sure it’s all there before leaving her house, counting it a few times then shuts the bag tight.

The meeting is silent and she hates it. Every time the step forward, something happens that pushes them ten steps behind. 

She wants to ask about seeing him the day before outside the school but she doesn’t know if it’s a good idea to ask right now. He doesn’t seem to be in a mood to talk to her, or look at her. 

He’s like a snail, she thinks. You barely touch him and he curls up instantly. And then there’s no talk him into opening up again. Or at least she’s not sure what it is she should do.

Even if he is sulking like a child right now, there is one thing she would like to know.

“So, are we good?”

She has to wait a few seconds for him to answer by a simple nod.

Then he looks up at her and gives her back her cut.

She glances at the cash then back at him.

“Both your cuts are there.”

She nods.

She wants to leave now that the deal is over but something in his eyes tells her he has something to say, or he wants her to stay for some reason. He’s not saying anything though. He’s just looking at her, which makes her uncomfortable. Is he waiting for her to say something? Why can’t he ever say just what he’s thinking? What he wants?

And she hates the way she melts under his scrutiny. Quite literally. She hates how her palms sweat and her belly burns her from the inside.

If there is nothing more it’s better for her to leave. 

She detaches her eyes from his, grabs her cut and nods to him before leaving.

* * *

This weekend is Dean’s weekend with the kids, so on Friday evening he rings the bell and Beth knows it’s him at the door. They have only texted briefly since the last time they talked but they try to avoid fighting in front of the children and Beth is too tired of her week to fight anyway. So when she goes to open the door she’s not tense, she’s relatively relaxed, dosed by fatigue.

When she opens the door she gets attacked by his loud call.

“Hey Danny!”

Then he looks at her, not acknowledging, maybe not even seeing the consternation on her face.

“Hey Beth, how you doing.” Then he gets in. 

Well if he’s forgotten their big fight it might be for the best. Beth is not in a mood to get back on it.

The kids run downstairs, Danny first. Dean steps out of the house to take something hidden behind the wall. Beth sees it before Danne can and it’s a bike, a big blue bike. She freezes in stupefaction.

“Look at what I’ve got for you!”

Danny looks at the bike with stars in his eyes, he is speechless.

“Wooooow.”

“Wanna try it out outside?”

Danny only nods with a huge smile on his face.

“Alright first let me kiss all of you with big slimy kisses.” 

He kneels to embrace all of them and they act disgusted as he approaches his mouth making atrocious noises, but laugh when he does kiss them hello.

Beth likes seeing this, she likes remembering Dean can be a good dad, a loving father. But the bike thing still needs some explaining and she gives him a look after he’s hugged them.

“Alright kids, why don’t you go outside with the bike? Mommy and I need to talk for a bit then we go to my place, alright?”

The children run off outside.

“I guess it’s a yes.”

Dean turns to her and she puts on her bravest smile.

“Want a drink?”

Dean smiles back, not the same kind though, obviously not reading Beth’s tension.

“Yeah, sure.”

She leads him to the kitchen and serves him some wine she had already open in the fridge. As she pours herself one bracing herself for what’s most probably coming: a conversation about Dean’s inability to be financially responsible.

“So? A new bike huh?”

“Yeah, he needed a new one you know the old one broke down.”

“I know.”

He’s not picking up on it, so she has to be clearer about the matter.

“It’s not his birthday though.”

“I know I just saw it and I knew he needed one so… What wouldn’t we do to make those pretty faces smile huh?”

It sounds like Dean thinks he’s having a pleasant conversation with Beth. Does she have to make it obvious for him to understand the issue here? Besides the fact that he gifted only one of his children with something, most probably making the others jealous.

“Did you get a promotion at work?” Her voice stays light, if she can not fight she would love to. Let’s not start each week with a disaster, she had enough of it last week.

“No, why?” 

“Well, a bike isn’t cheap.”

She thinks now he catches on. There is the smallest light in his eyes.

“Oh right, don’t worry it was on sale! I got it for nothing. But it’s new though. No risk of it losing a wheel while riding or something.”

She relaxes. Maybe he does learn about his mistakes. 

“It was only about a hundred dollars.” 

And with that he takes another sip of his drink, innocently. The statement makes Beth’s lid twitch. 

“A hundred dollars?” She asks pointedly.

“Yeah.” He doesn’t see her look, when he does he sobers and finally takes her into consideration.

“How did you get a hundred dollars, Dean?”

“I just- had them.”

Beth is too tired to fight but she _will_ get an answer out of him. She _will_ get him to understand the consequences for his actions.

She just waits for him to cave, giving him a pointed look.

After a minute or two, he finally speaks, only to confirm Beth’s suspicions.

“Alright so I took it out of your huge bag of money? What is it to him anyway a hundred dollars? With how much there was inside this? Actually, _how much_ was inside Beth?” He asks it like an accusation. Like having this amount of cash alone is a crime.

She keeps her pulse low, won’t give him the satisfaction of going off on him.

“First of all Dean, since when is it okay for you to steal from me?” She speaks to him as she would speak to her children.

He wants to retort but she puts her hand in front of him and stops him.

“Because, yes Dean, you stole from me, not him. When you take money you weren’t supposed to, you take money out of _my_ cut. You know what I do with _my_ cut?”

It’s not a question obviously and Dean pouts like a child would, punished in a corner.

“I buy groceries, I buy supplies, for _our children_. And if you piss off my boss, there will be consequences for my job, my cut, my money, your children.”

He huffs.

“Your _boss_?” He’s so sure of himself at the moment.

“Yes, Dean, my _boss_ , despite everything you make him to be in your head, he’s my boss.”

“So he’s your boss but you _occasionally_ sleep with him? How ethical!” He says all proud.

She just frowns. It doesn’t make her angry, it just makes her laugh on the inside.

“Right, exactly. Just as ethical as when you did it with your secretary.” She plasters a smile on her face. There’s no need to deny anything that happened between them. Even if she’s sure Dean thinks her and Rio have had sex a million time, she’ll let him believe it for now. She doesn’t know if she’ll ever set the record straight, it’s her life, her private life, there’s really no need for her to explain anything. He can go crazy all he wants.

He doesn’t say anything. 

She takes the opportunity of his drink being empty to take it from him.

“Well it’s getting late shouldn’t you take the kids to your house now?” 

Her years of hypocritical conversations and fakes smiles with PTA moms can really come in handy sometimes.

* * *

After Dean and the kids are gone all she wants is a drink. She also wants to get out, doesn’t want to stay trapped in this house, take some air.

She drives her car downtown and looks for a bar that doesn’t look to full but on a Friday night it’s a mission close to impossible.

Then she remembers this bar Rio and her met once, just outside city center. It was not their usual bar, they only met once there but she remembers the atmosphere there, she had liked it. It was all made of wood with lights in shape of candles on the walls.

It was the perfect thing for her right now.

When she gets there, it is, as she expected, quieter than in the other bars, where people were shouting and drinking excessively. There is actually a singer tonight, here. He’s in the back of the bar on a small stage with just his guitar and a mic. The room is quite full but the atmosphere is rather calm and soothed by the raspy voice of the singer.

She’d like to sit in one of those booths sofas on the side of the room but they are all full so she decides to sit on a stool at the bar.

She holds a finger for the bartender to tell him she wants something as she takes off her coat and gets comfortable on the stool. 

She gets her drink and starts relaxing her shoulder, letting herself drift to the voice of the singer.

She’s one and a half drink down when the singer sings his last song for the night. 

She calls the barman to order some food, whatever they have. She didn’t have anything to eat before going out and she can hear her stomach starting to rumble for some food.

She can actually get mini burgers. She didn’t think she’d get this much at this hour, maybe some nachos, but she’ll gladly take the burgers, and some fries.

When the singer finishes his song there’s a little bit of disorder. Probably most of the people in the front tables were his friends and they are all getting up now to make some space for him. Some other people are leaving, seemingly because they only came to see him perform.

As she observes their behavior, someone moves out of her view and on the other side of the bar she sees someone she wasn’t prepared to see, didn’t expect to see, and quite frankly had forgotten about right now. It’s Rio.

They only had met once in this bar, she didn’t think it was a habit of his to come here.

He turns his head and catches sight of her. It seems every time she’s looking at him, even unexpectedly like right now, he can always tell. He always notices, always finds her eyes. It’s annoying at the moment to be honest. Now he’s going to think that she was watching him, maybe, or even worse, that she came looking for him here.

The barman comes back with her burgers and fries and she turns awkwardly to thank him and stares at her food. She doesn’t know if she should stay or just leave.

She does have to finish her food now that she’s ordered it. And the bourbon is quite good here. 

She looks around and sees one of the booths is free so she decides to move there, that way she won’t have to look at him.

It only draws his attention even more as she clumsily takes all her stuff: her coat, her bag, her glass, her plate. It’s difficult not to drop anything so she fast walks with bent knees to the booth. She can feel his eyes on her. That doesn’t help her get settled more quickly or less clumsily.

When she _is_ settled she catches him turning back to the bar with a small smile. 

She starts eating her burgers but it’s awkward now that the singer isn’t singing anymore. There’s nothing to do besides think. And she really doesn’t want to do that tonight. 

She also thought moving to another spot would help not thinking about Rio but she’s now sitting right across from him and she can’t help looking.

And he catches it every time. Every. Time. It’s really annoying because sometimes she’s just looking in front of her, not really at him, but her eyes end up on him and as soon as they do he catches it. She would understand if he caught her because she’d been staring for several minutes but that’s almost never the case.

After a while he moves and she catches it as fast as a predator catches a glimpse of its prey. Again she was not looking, but he _is_ sitting right across from her. 

He gets down from his seat and looks at her. 

She thinks he’ll nod maybe, to say goodnight, you know, to stay cordial. But he takes his drink in his hand and starts walking towards her. 

Her heart never started beating out of her chest so fast, the alcohol not helping her control her emotions.

He gets closer and closer and she tries not to panic but keeps asking herself “ _what is he doing?”_

He rounds the table and she sees her bag blocking the spot next to her so she moves it to the other side without thinking. When she realizes what she’ doing she does ask herself what she _is_ doing. She doesn’t want him to sit closer to her necessarily, or even just next to her, but it’s just what people do when someone comes to sit at their table and she did it automatically. She kind of regrets it now because she doesn’t know what he’ll read into it and she liked the idea of having an object between them. But it’s too late now, she can’t put the bag back where it was, she would just look mental, moving her bag from one side to another again and again.

He sits next to her, not to close and she’s relieved. He might be sitting closer than he would have if her bag was still there but there is still a distance. Just enough so she can breathe.

He settles his drink on the table then his elbows and makes this shrug he makes to get comfortable, clearing his throat.

She’s just looking at him, playing with her glass, swallowing, waiting for him to say something to make it less uncomfortable.

Then he looks at her and his whole demeanor changes in a blink: from calm and almost dangerous to cheery and playful.

“So you followin’ me ma’?”

She didn’t expect that. At all. But she can play along. 

She looks down at where she had to move her bag to make room for him.

“Are you?”

It makes him smile. She smiles back from the corner of her lips. 

“What are you doin’ here?” Reading her tension, his words are more serious.

“Just needed a drink.”

“Long day?”

“Long week.”

They look into each other’s eyes. He knows what she’s talking about. He’s probably had the same shitty week, so he just nods and takes another sip of his drink. She imitates him.

For a moment they don’t talk. Most likely because neither of them wants to. And certainly not about this week.

It’s Beth who decides to break the silence.

“So do you own every bar in the city? I didn’t think I’d see you here.”

She throws a joke and its received well from him. And also something to make him understand she wasn’t looking for him. She’s not desperate. There are other things in her life besides him. Though she does look away when she says it.

“No, no I don’t. Not this one at least. I just like bein’ here.”

“Yeah, me too.” 

They look at each other and she thinks maybe he thinks she means being here with him. It’s not what she meant but if she starts justifying herself it’ll just sound like the opposite. He didn’t ask, she could have just shut up. 

Again, if they start staring at each other for too long it makes heat pinken her chest so she takes a sip of her drink.

He imitates her.

“Don’t you got to take care of those kids?”

“It’s Dean’s weekend. He just picked them up.”

His eyes are back on her faster than she would like and it makes the room feel warmer than it is. It makes her chest and throat tighten. She has to think of something to say. Something that will distract him from just- her. With everything that happened this week, there is something she is curious about.

She looks away from him and starts playing with her glass.

“So, what’d she tell you?” 

He tears his tears away from her and she senses discontentment from him.

“Proly the same as you.”

She looks up at him.

“That’s not really an answer.”

He meets her gaze and she can see he wants to move on from the conversation. Like maybe there is something to be said but he doesn’t want to get into it. He should know by now when he acts like that it only makes her want to know even more.

Catching her putting it together just by looking in his eyes, Rio looks away again.

“Well she was pissed.”

Beth knows that. She knows it more than she would like. The way Rhea had lashed out on her- It had hardly ever happened to Beth to be in this position, to be in a position to be yelled at like that. So she just gives him an amused “huh” because they both know it’s not the answer she’s looking for.

Maybe it’s the drinks or the place or the situation they are in right now; and it must be one of those because Rio never cares about what Beth wants to hear, but right now he does cave.

“She wondered why I was still working with you.”

Beth thought she’d be proud to have made him cave but the statement sobers her. Or rather the look he gives her after that statement sobers her. 

He looks at her with too much intensity. 

Rhea had asked her the same question. And frankly she had no answer to that. Besides the fact that it was business and they were good at it together -when they were not trying to kill each other.

But the look Rio gives her right now makes her think it’s not the only reason. And of course, it’s not. She knows it’s not. But Beth doesn’t want to dwell on it. She doesn’t want to make herself think there is something between that isn’t there.

Although he is looking at her like he wants her to admit it, like he wants to let himself believe it. 

Are his ears buzzing like hers are? Has he forgotten about everyone else around them like she has?

But again it’s probably the alcohol talking and she’s seeing things that just aren’t there. They are just business partners.

She looks at her almost finished drink, takes it in her hand and makes the alcohol rotate at the bottom of the glass.

“I’m sorry.” She says sincerely.

He sniffs.

“Not your fault.”

She can’t take her eyes off her drink. Can’t bear to look at him any longer. Because the second she finds his eyes again she knows her gaze will drop to his lips. The fact alone of seeing his hands grab his drink from the corner of her eyes makes her unsteady.

“Then I’m sorry about the money.” 

She feels responsible for it, and she is. She won’t tell him what happened, he won’t care anyway, it was her job. She just hates that it happened because of Dean, because he can’t respect her boundaries.

He nods. Maybe he even believes her. She just never knows what he’s thinking.

Since her drink is almost finished and it’s become unbearable to be sitting next to him, to be this close to him, to be opening herself to him, she decides to shot what’s left of her drink and just leave.

He watches her shot her drink and he seems a little bit startled by the way she changes the mood they were in.

“Well it’s getting late.”

She’s just as surprised when he shots his drink as well and gets up.

“You’re right.”

She’d thought she’d just leave him here, but it seems now they are going to have to walk out together. 

Fortunately, she didn’t park too far from the bar.

They get out of the bar and wish each other good night.

“Where are you?”

“This way. You?”

“Same.”

Perfect. They are going in the same direction. This night is a nightmare. She hates how awkward it is for them to walk side by side to their cars. None of them saying a word. Her knees barely holding her.

At the end of the street, they finally have to separate: they parked on different sides of the cross street.

She almost wants to run to her car, lock the doors and finally _breathe_.

“Alright then.” 

“Alright then.” He smiles back

She can finally walk to her car. 

She only makes to steps away from him before he calls her.

“Elizabeth.”

She looks back.

She waits for him to say something and when he doesn’t she turns her full body, giving him her full attention.

“We, hum, it’s complicated between us.”

She doesn’t understand where he’s going with this. 

His whole body is tight. The words are coming out of his mouth with more difficulty than she ever thought possible from him.

“I- we both made mistakes.”

Her mouth opens in the slightest way. Maybe it’s because she wants to say something, maybe it’s because she’s dumbstruck by his confession.

He stretches his shoulders as too regain control of his feelings, then he speaks in a firmer way.

“Don’t beat yourself up.”

It takes her a second to fathom what’s going on, what he’s telling her.

Then she nods.

She should go now. He’s not saying anything else and she wanted to run to her car. _Run Beth._ Although it seems unclear now if she wants to run to her car, or to him.

Her gaze is captured with his and she seems unable to move.

The tension in his jaw is back. As much as she hates it and as much as she wishes she were wrong, she knows what it means. And yes when lowers her gaze his fingers are moving ever slowly, his thumb stroking his middle finger and index.

She takes the opportunity of being able to tear her eyes away from his to say a final good night and walk back to her car.

The only problem is, it doesn’t take too long for her to realize her car is not there. It doesn’t take too long either for her to realize there are almost no cars on this side of the street. It all makes sense when she looks around her and notices a sign that says it’s not allowed to park there after 8 or your car will be impounded.

“Son of a bitch!”

She turns around and he hasn’t moved. It’s dark but even from a distance she recognizes that damn smirk of his.

“You knew about this?” She points to the sign.

He nods, not hiding how funny he finds her situation. She doesn’t. How is she going to get her car back? When is Annie or Ruby going to be available to drive her to the pound?

He jerks his head to the side.

“Come on. I’ll drive you home.”

She hates the idea but she doesn’t really have a choice right now.

She sighs loudly and walks towards him.

Fortunately, his car isn’t parked too far either.

He opens the door for her, only when he realizes what he’s doing he leaves the door barely opened and rounds the car to the driver’s side.

It’s awkward and being in a closed space with him makes her nervous. It makes her boil. And every time he glances at her she feels naked. When he looks at her breast she feels her chest burn, when he looks at her thighs she suddenly feels like her jeans are too tight. She shifts in her seat, trying to readjust her jeans and she catches him watching her, smirking.

“What?”

He looks back at the road.

“What?” She insists.

“Nothin’.”

He turns on the radio and she’s grateful for the way it silences the voices in her head.

She spends the rest of the drive looking out the window, her head turned as much as her neck will allow.

He parks at the beginning of her street. He knows he shouldn’t park in front of her house, that someone might see them together. Especially with this new car of his, he’s not exactly invisible.

He stops the engine and focuses his gaze on her, waiting.

“Okay.” She says with an awkward smile, smoothing her hands on her jeans.

“Okay.” He nods, returning her smile.

“Okay.” She says again. Not really knowing what she should say. When she really should just thank him and leave.

“Okay.” He smiles at her like she’s a huge dork.

 _Leave now, Beth_ , she thinks, but her body is frozen in place. 

She should have the energy to move given the way her heart is pounding out of her chest, but something is gluing her to her seat. 

It could be the way he’s watching her. Like the world outside doesn’t exist.

Her breath catches when his hand moves up to her forehead. With his index he pushes her bangs out of her face and slides down her cheek. He stops himself at her jaw and cups it with his whole hand.

She closes her eyes to the touch of his thumb stroking her cheek.

She breathes out. 

She doesn’t understand this thing between them, and maybe neither does he but they can’t ignore it. 

At least for a moment, like this one, maybe they can forget what they are, what they’ve been to each other, and just let it stretch in time. 

She slides her hand over his, crooking her fingers over the side of his on her cheek. His hand is warm against her always cold fingers. 

She opens her eyes and finds his boring into hers.

She doesn’t know when they got so close, didn’t feel her body move, but they are so close she realizes she can feel his breath on her lips.

It feels so calm, so natural, yet so terrifying and dangerous. As if a tornado was about to take them, like this, holding each other. And they wouldn’t care.

Her eyes drop to his lips and she bites hers.

She jerks her head the slightest bit, a movement almost imperceptible, too afraid to make the wrong move, to break this perfect moment, frozen in time.

She looks up to him and they both move their head ever so slowly towards each other.

She takes a breath and closes her eyes before his lips catch hers.

She had never felt anything so soft and yet so passionate before him.

His hand slides from her jaw to her nape and her own hand slides to his neck, stroking his tattoo there.

The kiss is tender, full of desire, not rushed.

They open their mouth for each other, breathe each other’s air, taste each other’s tongues.

It makes Beth feel electric. Like all this energy she accumulates can only be released by one thing and one thing only: him.

No one has ever kissed her like he kisses her, like she’s the only one he’s ever wanted to kiss, like he doesn’t want it to stop. 

_She_ doesn’t want it to stop.

It feels like a break from all their useless fight. It feels like an apology, a promise to a new start.

When they stop kissing they are both panting and realize their fingers are hooked onto each other’s nape.

Both their hands slide down and leave each other’s bodies.

Neither of them is shying away from what just happened as they stare into each other’s eyes.

Beth bites her lips and sits properly back in her seat.

“Thank you for the ride.” She smiles at him.

He nods, smiling back.

She stares at him for a few more seconds then she opens the car door and walks to her house, not looking behind her.

She hears Rio start the car as soon as she’s out.

* * *

On Saturday night, she has a girls night over at her house, like it was planned.

It is one of those rare nights where they act like nothing crazy is going on in their lives, like they don’t rob stores and work for a dangerous gangbanger on the daily.

One of those nights where they laughed, talking about their children, the bachelorette and Annie’s crazy encounters. Turns out Beth and Ruby also have crazy stories, but the way Annie tells hers has always been funnier, and the way Ruby sasses her also has. 

Beth is grateful for those nights.

She receives a text. It’s from Rio.

_Let’s meet tomorrow. Got somethin new for u._

“Who is it?” Annie asks.

“Huh?”

“Who is that makes you smile like that?”

“Nothing I was laughing at what you guys were saying.”

She puts her phone down and pours everyone some more wine.

The girls give each other a disbelieving look but don’t say anything.

Annie is too eager to tell her story to care about Beth’s text anyway.

“So then, the guy kept walking and I saw him, in a shop windowpane across the street, trip on his own dog’s shit.”

Annie barks a laugh, Ruby laugh awkwardly, finding it more disgusting than funny, but the guy got what deserved.

And then Beth thinks she’s going to be okay, she’s going to be fine even. As long as she has them, she’ll be fine.


End file.
